Rey Lasano's

Growing Up at 9:56:00 AM

I spent a lot of time thinking and less talking these days. I didnt realize this earlier, And a simple question from a you can call it a lifetime bestfriend prompted my realization.

"have you been more mature now that you have been faraway from home?"

.....like, exactly. That was also the question i wished i could answer. I told him that i cant measure my own maturity. It has to be another person who sees it through me. But i do learn a lot of things, and for sure, certain changes did take place. There are pieces of me that if it is not converted, then it is completely altered, or even maybe perished. To think about it again, i often wondered if he too went through pretty much the same thing. Pretty much the same.. As he described it, the "drama" of staying away from home. And i kind of understand why he behaved his way or why he think as he thought.

For me, being away from home means you entered a a circle of people who are completely stranger to you. Raised in different cultures, laugh over different jokes, get angry over different things, and in my case, being judged endlessly. There are certain people who will never stop trying to change you, and who sees you as a perfect failure of home education.

There are then, times when you try to explain yourself, trying to defend your own sense of self. There are then, times when you are always angry because people just dont seem to get it, especially when they see things differently by culture, and speak differently by language. Then, there is time when you finally understand it is no use to explain yourself again and again. People who dont like you and always judge you by their own arrogant opinion would never ever believe in whatever you say. And moreover, your good friends do not need your explanation of who you really are, because they see it with their own eyes,through the days they spent with you. Then you stop talking. And choose to listen. And you listen and listen and listen a lot and you find that there are million things you could understand, the better and the worse, if you stopped for a little while and listen to the sounds around you. Then you realized that there is no point in talking, really. To talk about you feelings, your opinion, your thoughts. The world has been too selfish to listen. And you want to be those small percentages who still do, and only stated your opinion when you think you should.

But it is sad, i think, if you completely loss the ability to tell your stories. Your simple story of what you have been through today. If you can no longer tell your friends that you might be fall in love with someone. It is sad if you sees your day as just the usual, and have nothing special about it..... Where maybe, there actually is something really interesting happened, but you are just too used to keep everything by yourself, too used to not to talk about yourself, and then you stop telling your precious stories. I think, in growing up you lose certain pieces of your childish self. When you grow up, there are things that are taken from you. You changed. You just not the same person anymore. You experienced things, you learned, you fell and you stood up again. Those kind of things are phase of growing up, and it is not always easy.

For the first time in my life, i understand fully with my heart that someday, everyone has to grow up. And also with all of my heart i could say, i am a bit scared. But nevertheless, i want to go through it. I just have to figure out how to grow up without losing too many pieces of myself. To modify it, not to completely lose it.

And you, have you grown up yet?

The Grass is Full of Stars at 5:23:00 PM

Spring surely brings the good mood everywhere! <3

I like autumn for sure, but spring is amazing. It feels like a good start to everything that is good. My Japanese teacher refers to spring as the season of 'a thousand good things to become'

and i think i kinda like that definition. :)

See, the grass is full of stars, fallen in their brightness;

Hearts they have of shining gold,

Rays of shining whiteness

Buttercups have honeyed hearts;

Bees they love the clover

But I love the daisies' dance

All the meadow over

Blow, o blow, you happy winds,

Singing summer's praises

Up the field, down the field,

A dancing with the daisies

(Daisy Time, Marjorie Pickthall)

I Wonder, if you have been my knight all along at 11:36:00 PM

I wonder if you have been here all along. I wonder if you have been watching me all these times. I wonder if you silently giving me my own space to grow. I wonder if you have been letting me do my mistakes, to grow from it. I wonder if you have been believing that you also need your time to grow. I wonder if you have been protecting me without showing it. I wonder if you have been noticing what I am up to in the middle of the night. I wonder, if you have been my knight all along.

I wonder, if you have been hurt. I wonder, if you wished I dont get hurt. I wonder, if you have been trusting me, trusting that I will be home to you again. I wonder, if you prayed at night wishing for my happiness. I wonder, if you have been understanding my silly dreams. I wonder, if you have been always wanting me to be happy. I wonder, if you have been my knight all along.

I wonder, if you have been worried. I wonder, if you have been smiling upon seeing my attitude. I wonder, if you have been trying hard not to over-show it. I wonder, if you have been wanting to say a lot of things to me. I wonder, if you have been always at loss for words. I wonder, if you have been my knight all along.

I wonder, if you have been angry to people who hurt me. I wonder, if you have been watching me closely to see where I am standing right now. I wonder, if you have been curious to know what places I have been to. I wonder, if you have been wishing to see those places with me. I wonder, if you have been telling yourself to be patient, that someday I'll be on your arms. I wonder, if you have been my knight all along.

I wonder, if you have been fighting the world so they will shut up and not telling me, that for all these times, you have been my knight. All. Along.

Spring! Spring! Spring! at 11:19:00 AM

Sometimes I feel like several things happened so fast and it almost look like blurry images passing through my days. It seems like I dont even have time to process anything, and to take a step back to look where I am right now and what kind of problems I have dragged myself into.

It feels like the life's pace is uber fast and I am having a hard time to keep up.

Still, there are a lot of things I know I could enjoy. The Spring semester is starting very soon, like literally next week, and the Cherry Blossom (Sakura) flowers are blooming everywhere, easiest place to see them is at my school and I passed the test to level 2, interpreted as high beginner level with a bunch of interesting new students and few of my old buddies in that class. Our homeroom teacher is Yoshida sensei, who, apparently taught me for a !conversation class (6 credits, like literally every single day for a week) and she was smiling when she saw me.

Maybe this is gonna be a really great great great class! I am going to have my first homeroom class meeting today. Which is actually totally exciting if only we dont have to do an on-the-spot essay writing so that the teacher could help us decide which elective subjects we should take. One of the good news is the Chinese character (Kanji) is now on elective lists so I dont have to take that class if I dont want to. Me he he. *evil laugh*

Still, this essay thing is bothering me so much because I really don't like test. For real. And seriously. I like studying (ahem) and I like Japanese so much (yes it is true) and I can even bear to get along pretty good with Kanji (*cough*) but I seriously have this bad relationship with test-thing. I just simply dont like it.

The teachers said this is not really a test and that we should just take it easy and it is nothing to worry about, which is so nice of them trying to tell us that but excuse me, we know exactly that this is called a "readiness test" and when you put "test" word behind everything it almost always link directly to disaster for me.

But the spring's season and the fragrance of flowers everywhere really could distract me from any negative thoughts so i think i'm just going to take it as easy as i could and convinced myself that I go to the university to enjoy Spring, not to do this so-called "readiness test" whatsoever.

So, wherever you are guys, go out there and i'm sure something good will happen to you today.

Will catch you soon and I'll try my best to fetch those Sakura's pictures at my school!

English Village in the Mountainous Fukushima at 10:14:00 PM

Hey there everyone! I know it has been like ages since the last post. It is quite hard to keep up with the blog since there are million things to do around. Luckily most of those things involving eating super yummy foods, travelling to nice places around and having fun with friends here in Japan.

My seniors were serious when they literally commanded us to go have fun and explore Japan till drop on our spring break. The weather was quite nice, mild and not as cold as winter. Although sometimes rain pouring all day long, it was still nice. :D

Anyways the girls from the dorm wanted so badly to visit this English village called the British Hills so we went there from March 10th to March 12th. The Hills was located in Fukushima, yes, the place where the quake destroyed the nuclear plant a year ago. It was a place designed as a model of Highlands of Scotland on Victorian period in Britain. For short, it looked like Britain in Middle Age. And it was super wonderful. I feel like staying there FOREVER.

It was still snowing - A LOT in Fukushima. When I stepped my feet there, I was like, "you called this spring??" xD xD

but it was really pretty, almost feel like going back to Hokkaido (i know, i know, i haven't report anything about that, either) but with a slightly warmer temperature. This picture was taken soon after we arrived there (around 1 pm and we were walking around because the room would not be ready before 3 pm.) And luckily these girls I went to British Hills with was so excited with taking a lot of pictures, so we literally went here and there and take pictures at every place.

Okay, so we took 4 hours trip from Chiba to Fukushima, it involved changing the trains for around 3 times but was not that troublesome, because there were 7 of us and you can't gather 7 girls without chit-chatting for hours. So the journey didn't feel THAT long and it was quite fun. When we entered the Manor House, where the reception desk was located we were greeted by this statue (look to your left).

I'll give you three guesses, go on and see if you recognize this person

All the girls reaction was like:

"Who's that?"

"It's Snape."

"Who?"

"Snape. You know, the character on that popular movie."

"Oh, that guy."

So we agreed (and laughing endlessly) that this guy is Snape from that popular movie and we went around for three days calling him the Snape until on the last day, I found out the harsh truth. He was, actually, ladies and gentlemen, is William Shakespeare. He was SHAKESPEARE, for crying out loud. I felt half amused, half embarrassed. Amused, because we went around for three amazing days with the joke of calling him professor Snape and half embarrased because how couldn't we recognize Mr. Shakespeare?? lol

Anyways, this is how the front door looked like and we spent quite a long time taking pictures here.

The lobby was also had a breathtaking atmosphere because we were like "Woooow" and "Whoaaaaa" and "Wooooow" all the time. I don't know if it was just me or what, but the rooms were quite........ dark. No, not dark as in pitch black but it was dimly lit, with

red and brown sofas and small lamps and a grand staircase.... and although i seriously admired the design, it was sort of.....it feels like coming to a very oldish building where you can meet witch cooking some weird poision in a dark place with the fireplace also dimly lit and........

well, it was not like it was scary, it was just ......old.

The chairs were empty when I took the picture below, but when we came in, a woman was sitting there, reading something. Thank goodness she was reading something normal like The Daily Yomiuri (English newspaper in Japan, one of my main source of knowing what is happening in the world since Japanese news and TV- AND commercials are subject to my low-level of understanding either maybe i am still too stupid to understand the language, or I simply don't under

stand the concept, seriously.), and not something scary like Witch Daily or something.

Because------------

British Hills was nothing like a ghost house, but, but, but, I couldn't help to get that kind of impression on the very first time because they decided not to turn on brighter lights. But then again if it was not a deliberate action mainly to re-create the atmosphere of Middle Ages manors in Britain, then it probably have something to do with energy saving program. As I said earlier, British Hills was located in Fukushima, one of the area that suffered a great deal from the big earthquake last year. So they probably trying to use the electricity as efficient as they could.

After walking around the Hills complex, we went for some late lunch at the pub, which was not really lunch because I ordered this delicious cake set, and you don't eat cake for lunch. :D

But it was really really delicious and i really liked it. They let me chose what drink I would like to order, and they have selection of tea, coffee and juices and I ordered some warm tea - I forgot the name of the tea but it was indeed delicious. The cake has some sort of sweet and mint flavor, and I really liked it. Rini ordered the Chicken Basket and it came with two pieces of chicken breast and french fries. I didn't take the picture of the Chicken Basket (was too hungry) but I did snapped a picture of the cake set!

After eating the so-called-lunch we decided to come back to the reception desk and ask for our keys. There were 7 of us and we booked 2 rooms, one for 4 persons and the other for 3 persons. We did a little lottery at the pub to determine who sleeps where and I join the other three girls in the room of 211. It was........ a quite big room with a big closet which............ housed the winter coat that could be used freely by the guests. They looked more like robe than coat, in my opinion. Somehow we picture ourselves like witches from, again, that popular movie and couldn't help but feel so happy about this.

Yep, yep. That is the robe I have been blabbering about. See how Rini's look shorter than mine..? Exactly. Because she got the size of 72, whatever it meant, and mine is 110. But later I was kinda grateful for the length of the robe because when we went out for dinner, gee, the snow was uber thick. The robe helped save my leg! :D

Speaking about dinner, they got this awesome refectory, or the dining hall, that has this four long table in a grand hall. Kind of reminds u, again, of that popular wizards' movie, isn't it?

And since you need to dressed properly (smart casual), Rini was real excited about everyone's gonna dressed up nicely and why don't put make up on everyone so the night would be a special night. So Estela and Marina ended up putting the make up on everyone else, since we were less experienced than they were on make up department and ta-raaaa... I seriously surprised with the results and was like, no waaay, this is not my face.

But it felt quite nice because everybody puts on the make up and everybody looked different because of those make ups and I do think that sometimes we do need the skill of doing the make up on our own. By the way they served us appetizer first before we headed to our private buffet section (long live KANDA, by being its student we got all the privileges!). The food was really really delicious, and complete with fruits and desserts.

I came from a tropical land where you can find fruits easily and of course, cheap in every street in the town. And upon coming to Japan I realized that fruit is a LUXURY. So I was real happy when they served pineapples and strawberries and other fruits and that is one major point why I would like to live there forever. :D :D There were rice and pastas, beef, chicken, scrambled eggs and other delicious food. I was grateful for our two nights and three days stay, because it was like being in a COMPLETELY different world. Like, literally, I was not in Japan.

This is the full team of British Hills explorer. The nice waitress there caught our pleading eyes of PUHLEEASEE-take-our-picture-together and so she took the pictures for us. Behind us were senior high school students who apparently staying at the Hills for an English learning camp (since they don't speak Japanese at all at the Hills, and which was the other reason why it was literally not Japan there). We then realized that actually the British Hills was an educational-based resort to learn English and while people are struggling learning we were playing and having fun there. :P But it was okay, since all we did here in Japan is learning Japanese and there were a lot of not so good things happening in the dorm, so it was nice because it feels like for just a moment you leave all the Japan world with all the struggling and hide in a perfectly fun place. Everyone did realize that it will be cruel jungle once we came back to our residence in Chiba and we better make it as fun as possible here in British Hills.

So after dinner we went for a little tour at the library. This library the British Hills had was amazing! There were a lot of nice and old books and I was happy. Although they seemed to provide little care to the books, which is too bad because some of the antiques are really starting to show that they need more appropriate care, but I did enjoy the library. They got a huge book on the Windsor Castle, the complete Shakespeare (laughing) and Edgar Allan Poe's, all the classics and children books and everything. I was expecting those kinds of books in the library since we realized that the Hills was an educational based resort, but they

caught me off guard with these books. They had a complete series of cooking books from English cooking to Spain cooking, and Italian and everything and those books were quite old but I was really surprised. So I asked one of my beautiful friend to take a picture of me holding this Spain cooking's book with the delicious Paella on its cover.

No, I still don't know how to cook Paella.. :D

but Marina (the Spain girl) swore that before we get back to our own countries, she would cook us some Paella. (yaay!!) and we took A LOT of pictures in the library. The library was also quite spacious, so we did a little "fashion show" runway and recorded it. *giggles* but the girls are going to kill me if I dare posted it anywhere in the internet so I could only tell you that it was a fun moment with them.

The library also had several nice sofas and chess game, which no one played because we couldn't find the chess pieces anywhere. The library also had this little folding ladder that looked as old as the other things in the library and we had some photo shoot using that ladder. Now that I think about it, it was strange because you got the impression of antique, and Middle Ages, and oldish atmosphere but I can guarantee you that all the properties (sofas, tables, flowers, lamp decorations, ladder) and everything is....... fairly new, I think. These people at the Hills are uber smart on shaping the look and setting the lamps because we did feel like we were in the old times of Britain.

From the library we strolled to the Queen and King's room, with this "Her Majesty" writings on top of the door. It was said to be the duplicate of the Queen's and King's room but I am not 100% sure that it was. Nevertheless, the room was beautiful and the bed and the sofas are nice and actually I liked it. Even if it was not really the room I would like to be my own room, it was beautiful in its own ways. The girls were also quite excited at this place because the room was big enough and had a lot of things to be looked at. I opened one of the closet in the Queen's room and find a wedding dress inside. Why, exactly, a wedding dress is stuffed at the closet, I really can't think of the reason. One of the girls asked if we could try it on but later realized it will be too much of a trouble trying to put that beautiful white thing on and then put it off and arrange it at the closet again so she didn't try it on.

The Queen's room had all the feminine side of a room. The crystal glass, the grand lamps and fireplace, the big mirror, flowers - like, everywhere, and sofas and feminine bed and everything. The King's room is definitely more masculine, with big work desk and simple sofas. There were not much of flowers inside but it had a decoration of a bear skin on top of the bed. And I was like, Uh-huh. Like anyone would sleep on a bed like that. I'm a kind of strict animal pro and if i have to look at the bear skin on top of my bed every night I will definitely never sleep there. I wonder if the King really DID use that bear skin as a decoration on top of his bed.

Anyway did I tell you that the King and the Queen's room is united as one? They had this door that connects the King and the Queen's room. The funniest thing happened when one of the girls asked, "So the King and the Queen sleep in a separate bed?"

This could not be the real duplicate of King and Queen's room. :P

So then after looking on those beautiful rooms, everyone was already in this photo-shoot-mood and Estela (the Brazilian) made me posed like this:

Which supposed to be a sexy pose and turns out to be not sexy at all. xD

It WAS a sexy pose when Estela did it though, but when I did it it is nowhere near sexy. Maybe it was because I smiled too wide. You dont smile that wide when you're trying to be sexy... lol.

But it was quite fun and I enjoyed every seconds with those girls, from eating to doing this photo-shoot thing, from trying to read the books in the library and discuss the possibility of the King and the Queen's sleeping in separate beds and everything. It was a moment to remember, the British Hills trip. :)

Oh, and before I forgot! The outside view was as amazing as the Houses and the Manors view! There was this famous England's red box public telephone and the girls happened to took a picture of me and Rini with that little red box.

This picture is one of my favorite because it was just funny, looking at Rini's expression and me being locked down in the box. I guess even if we had certain troubles before finally arrived there at the British Hills, it really did worth it to visit. And I wonder how the place would look like in summer, when there were no snow and the colors are not merely white. Because in the end, at night it was too cold to stay outside longer and we decided to come back to our rooms and take this sweet picture.

So guys, if you happened to visit Japan someday, please do give this place a visit. It is amazing, and I assure you will get that "England" feeling upon your arrival here. You can easily access the information here:

www.british-hills.co.jp/english/about/

Thanks for visiting the blog even when I'm on hiatus for some time. Hug your loved ones tonight, I'll see you soon!

Fall for 700 Times, Rise Up for 701 Times! at 10:35:00 AM

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It's a bit slow (ahem), I know. I'm sorry about that folks. You cant believe how many things and works I so have to do by the time I was home in Chiba. There are final tests and reports waiting, and a lot of things to do and I found it really really hard to update the blog. The stories I want to share now is like a mountain of stories and seriously I dont know where to start. Mwahahahahahha....

Well since there is still a New Year atmosphere around I'll start with my resolution this year. Speaking of resolution, for me new year's resolution is not a mere trend I followed because everyone else doing it. For me a resolution is like a.... a spirit booster! It contains my determination to reach what I wanted to. Yet, I cant deny that life is too much full of surprises, and sometimes it leads me to places that is totally out of my expectation. :D

Last year, i wrote my new year's resolution like this:

1. To be a better J's disciples, and leaning closer to HIM, and finding more surprises and blessings and finding HIM bigger in my heart.

(.............ummmm....... i think i havent succeeded in this one. T.T)

2. To be a better girlfriend for A, a more easy going one, a deeper understanding, a better supporter, wise with words and emotion.

(Uh-huh. Exactly. -.-" we are still good friends, though.)

3. To be a better friend for my precious besties out there. To be a comfortable shelter for Jude, Tyaz, Fly, Aloince, Rinane, Bombina, Dee and for Wiramiharja, wherever he is.

(I do think everyone have closer relationship and stronger bound now. With the fact that i'm away, they are still the same. still crazy friends, still make me feel loved, they are still..... them. :) i do love them.)

4. I wanna be ON TIME! And, please, please, reduce that last-minute habit of mine! It's 2011, for goodness' sake.

(WELL.............. not done! ahahahhaa. but improved, since i've been in Japan it has been so much better. I really learn to put the discipline even stricter on myself)

5. I so have to start saving money. For everything.

(.... cant say anything about this. I did start saving though, not a regular ones but.......)

6. To Vietnam with Jude! More saving. ouch.

(cancelled, we changed it to local travels: Jogjakarta-Surabaya with additional member: Iin.)

7. Massive hair make over! nyaa....~

(I DID it! Yaaay...~~)

8. I want that scholarship to Japan. Yum.

(This is a total God's work because there is no way I could get accepted on my own. :3)

9. To be more organized, neat (Jude please dont pass out), and discipline!

(It's not that PERFECT yet, but I think i'm improved a bit)

10. And at last, to stay true to myself wherever these resolutions and the efforts to accomplished them take me, to stand for what i believe and what i dream for, coz i'm amazing just the way i am!

(i got the chance to do this since Japan is so much different and often i felt like i'm losing my own identity but thanks for helps God sent to me, i think i know now where to stand, and how to stay to be myself).

That's the last year's evaluation. By the way, earlier this year, i got a daruma doll from a friend of mine. She is Brazilian, her name is Estela and she bought it at Fushimi Inari, a temple in Kyoto.

Daruma is like.............. it's something like this:

The picture of the daruma is taken from here

He is said to be a..... rather "cute" duplication of father of Zen Buddhism, the Bodidharma. The tradition is you received this from another people, with both of the daruma's eyes are blank. Upon receiving this, you think of something, your goal, thing you want to achieve. After deciding that you paint one eye for the daruma. Later when you accomplished your goal, your dream or your wish, you give the daruma another eye and completing his sight. The daruma doll was made in such a way that when you throw him, knock him down or let him fall, he would stand back to his actual position again. This become your spirit, for no matter how many times you fall when you are chasing your dream, you would stand again, and run once again to reach your dreams.

It's like if you fall 700 times, you rise up 701 times, untill you complete your goal. The daruma doesnt have arms and legs because it pictures the Bodhidharma who lost the use of his own arms and legs after sitting for 9 years in a cave, meditating. Thus, it reminds you to have the same self discipline and positive outlook in reaching your dreams.

This picture of daruma i put here has a kanji character on his chest, and it reads "yume". "yume" means "dream". Not every doll has writings in his chest, though.

Anyway, that's the spirit of daruma and I have painted my daruma's eye some time after I got back home from Kyoto. Everytime i see him standing in my desk I am reminded of the wish i painted his eye with and got excited in the morning. :3

So this is my 2012 resolution!

1. To become a better disciple of J

2. To be a better friends for my besties, and to prove to Loince that friendship could go through the ocean.

3. To be more discipline, organized and neat

4. To finish college at Atma Jaya University and get my bachelor's degree

5. I want to see England and New York

6. Actually, I want to study in New York

7. Travelling to Vietnam and Kamboja with Jude and Iin

8. Go to Larc'en'ciel concerts

9. Participate with organizations that gives me opportunities to do field work and community services. :3

10. Take my youngest brother and mom to travel somewhere they could have total fun and (especially for my brother) where he could learn a lot of new things.

Basically, that's all. I dont think they are easy to do and if Jude sees this she might be giving me her "flat" look and ask me if I know i dont sound realistic by writing this. hahahhaa... still, these are things I do want to achieve and i'm running to my dreams. So, what about you folks? :) whether you are writing resolution or not, I wish you all have a wonderful year ahead!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas at 4:29:00 PM

Dear folks...

guess where I am right now! ...................... Correct!!

I'm in Osaka, which is freakin cold ad winter and freakin uh-may-zing and I am happy!!! So i'm spending my first ever winter holiday with my friends at Osaka and Kyoto. Just dont ask for the updates right now, I'll do it by the time I'm home. ;P

This could be my last post of this year, since I dont know when I will be able to write again here. I just want to wish you all a merry little christmas.. :)

and I hope God's joy stay with you all, and He is reborn once agin in your hearts and that you all have a warm and sweet Christmas, with loved ones around you.

One thing I could say right now, this year my Christmas is full of emotion. I'm not quite sure how to name all those emotion but i know for sure that this year it is different. Dad is gone and I'm not home and Thank God my stubborn brother made it to came home and celebrate Christmas together.

I cant write long right now but i will fill you all with details later, okay?

enjoy your Christmas and see you soon!

A beautiful life, a life like yours. :)
you are today's special, God's limited editon, and your life is a gift.

Her name is Rey. she hearts morning, starry night, piano, music and way too many other things.
covering life with glitters, TONS of them. Practically weird and freak.
she runs to her dream.

Little Journal Live. Love. Life. World of Imaginary Green Choco Write. Read. Judge!

Pena dan Cerita Makna Kata Cerita Lukisan Kata