GOD's Extended Hand
there are things running across my heart and my thought these days. i think it's safe to say that i'm facing a.............................. crisis.
things arent working so smoothly in some major aspect in my life. things i certainly would love to share to my besties, but i just couldnt bring it out. things, i believe, somehow changing my perspective and point of view in life. things, that are too painful to tell.
the other thing, i feel like a dirty sinner. I feel like even GOD would feel so disgusted to see me. I dont know, i just feel it that way. Don't worry folks, i swear i've double checked my Diagnostic Statistic Manual IV - Text Revision, and nothing i describe shown any abnormality that severe enough to diagnose me with psychiatrist problem, thanks God.
if there is ANY light in this so dark times, it was tonight. I was sitting in the living room, practically doing nothing and suddenly losing interest in doing anything. Then my cellphone beeps and i see a text message came in. i stared at my cellphones for a little while, feeling so tired even to unlock that shiny pink thing, because for the past 48 hours, all texts i received was all about tasks, assignments, paper works, proposals and meeting schedule for a committee i'm participating at campus. i was thinking of the "dirty sinner" feeling that slowly eating me from inside when i opened that text.
"hello there little sister. how are things with you?"
it was the FIRST text i received that doesnt talk anything about committee work, doesnt talk anything about college tasks and not insulting me in any way. it was just a brotherly text from my almost-long-lost "big brother", softly ask how was i doing.
you know guys, maybe it was just nothing for you all. maybe it was just an ordinary text, that i shouldnt have to feel so happy when i read it. but when you are in your darkest time, feeling so empty, plus you're feeling like you're the darkest sinner ever lived in the world, a text like that feels like a heavenly sweet wind.
unbelievably thankful, i feel like GOD is using His very own way to reach me and touch me from the inside. Because the very person who texted me was an unexpected someone. How did he manage to text me asking how i am doing when i was perfectly not okay and needed support? coincidence? maybe. but i definitely is someone who believe everything is connected and no such thing as "coincidence".
So it add to the joy that i wasnt alone. i've never been alone in facing even the most bitter aspect of my life. i don't have to hide in my bed with blanket wrapping me up because i'm scared i hurt myself even deeper if i walked out of my room. i don't have to faking my smiles, making jokes and laugh when actually i feel awful inside. that GOD would never throw me away, and that He never ever give up on me. that He's working in a way so beautiful that i couldn't imagine how warm His touch were.
i couldnt say i am already okay right now.
but it feels alright.
thanks God, for completing me with a set of best friends, big brothers and sisters, that in such a way will never let me feel alone.
i'm feeling okay..
and to every single one of you who maybe is struggling your way out there right now, if you're feeling so desperately helpless, or if it feels like everything is so dark, no one would help and no one would even notice that you're suffering, believe me friend. believe me that when you have the slightest faith in God, He'll send help rightaway. even on the most unexpected way.
you just have to trust.
good night.
Gublernation
meet Matthew Gray Gubler.
He's kind of..... different with other TV stars and famous people.
Can't describe it well, but i sensed a soft, humble, weird yet happy and free atmosphere from him. It's like he just live the life the way we all did. He's different, really. and I LOVE him. and GOD blessed him wherever he is now.
find him at Gubler Nation or catch Criminal Minds every week. ;D
image credited back to Terry's Diary. thankyou for posting such an innocent capture!
The City of Dreams
I traveled back to Ambon..!!
This is such a nice new year starter folks, coming home to the place where I was born and surprised by.... how it was as beautiful as ever, yet dazzling landscapes and sparks that werent there when I was 5 is clearly visible now.
It was.... a city of dreams. When you go out to the beach a
t the morning, you will see the blue clear waters in front of you, and the color gets deeper, a shade of green and blue, marking the deep ocean ahead. The area where sun shine falls sparkling like someone's throwing glistering white shining diamonds everywhere, and you couldnt help but thanking GOD, of what a masterpiece those beaches are. Some of the beaches are coral based, means you cant swim there, but just looking at the color of the waters, breathing the fresh air and feeling the smooth wind playing with your hair, it was a such a sensation.
If ever you play, see, or hear anyone talking about the Final Fantasy X game, there is a place called Besaid Island there. It was a quiet village, with trees and flowers and clear waters with nice beaches an
d white sand, a place you could ONLY IMAGINE in a big city like here, in Jakarta. But in Ambon, I swear it was a reality. The place
was just BEAUTIFUL.
see? I wasnt lying! :P :P
you also see a lot of GREEN at Ambon. trees are everywhere. flowers, soft grass, they add to the color of the ocean and make the place evern more outstanding. I dont get it why tourists always dream of Bali even visited the place for like 4 or 5 times. Indonesia got A LOT of beautiful, quiet, nice and unbelievable magical places.
Here you can dream you were a princess of a little country. Your country territory is along the coast line, with forests and beaches. Your people live peacefully quiet, they love the nature too much and has no intention at all even to exploit them to tourist. They value what nature gives them and they took no more then how much they need. You wanted it so bad that tourists would acknowledge your country, but then again, as you stand in a valley filled with grass and look downward to the beautiful shade of blue the ocean gave you, you once again understand what it means to be a happy, peaceful, calm, clean, quiet country. and once again the nature of your country won your heart and even if it means you will be the poorest princess with simple castle by the beach, you will feel thankful, that this is your country, your city of dreams. And you will keep that near with your heart.
You know what folks, place like this forces you to feel thankful.
It brings you to imagine things. It let you relax, like in here, nothing could go wrong. ever.
These two pictures show you the beach of Pintu Kota, or City Gate in English. The beach got its name because the most stunning view from this place is the huge reef that shaped a door or a gate and
separated you from the coast line to the ocean.
You will need to be very careful, because once you missed your step and pass the gate and got yourself into the deep ocean, it will be a sudden death. xD
Here you can dream, you were the daughter of a pirate king. Being a girl, your father never understimate your faith, bravery and skills to conquer the ocean just as he did. But he was worried, for you looked like you don't belong to the sea. He believed, that a bigger destiny, a harder task and a bigger responsibilities were placed on your shoulder. Witnessing your love to the ocean, ships, sea's wind and the Ship of Annabelle's crew, your father cant bring
himself to tell you, that you weren't belong there.
But that day, everything changed. You asked your father to let you command t
he ship. Your father never did doubt your ultimate skill, but once again, he felt it was just not right. Your father's crew start begging their captain, to let their princess, their friend, their 'littl
e girl' to give them orders. For unlike their captain, the ship's crew believe with all their heart that you were the Princess of the Sea.
"Aye."
Your father let you took the command. You gave orders, taking the ship to a place it never sailed before, you have a different style in handling your crew and your ship with your father. After three nights of storms and rain, you found a gate. Strange, there is a hole that looked like a gate in the middle of the ocean. Behind the gate, you could see the white sands with stones and corals everywhere. Trees and flowers, valleys and grass. You saw a LAND! You turned to your father, your eyes sparked with curiosity and interest. But your father looked at you with a confused expression. And you confronted your father, pointing at the island so beautiful that for the first time of you 18 years of life, you are more than willing to leave the Ship of Annabelle for an unknown land
. Your father, and now your crew also looked at you with an even more confused expression.
"But princess, there is no such land over there."
"I cant see any gate."
"Gate? What gate?"
"Do I have to throw the anchor?"
"Has princess lost her mind to the storms?"
Your smile fainted slowly and you looked at your father, asking for an explanation. Your father, being a captain and a ship's crew for his entire life, approached you and put his big hands in your shoulder. Everyone was quiet now.
"I dont lose my mind."
"I know. You never did belong to the sea."
Your father then explained his thoughts, for what he's been keeping for this 18 years. He explained, that he believed you bear a bigger responsibility than being a pirate. seeing what others cant see is just a beginning.
"You have different eyes. different heart. You are not a pirate. But keep in mind, big power comes with big responsibilities. now go. i know you have laid your heart to that invisible land more than you laid your heart to Annabelle."
so then you set off to the unknown land, swimming through the City Gate.
Oh. crap. I got you all stucked with MY fantasy for too deep. Oh i'm so sorry folks. I just couldnt stop writing them once I began. :P :P
Well the photo on your right show you the Pintu Kota reef. It was actually quite right to say that it was like a door to a whole different world. because where I stand on that photo was a dry land, you almost can't say it was a beach, it was waters with all reef and corals inside. But behind that gate, it was a deep and wide blue ocean with high tides and bright blue sky upward. Again, the place was magnificent and beautiful...
And this is just your MORNING view of the beaches and the city. My grandma's place was across the city, separated by a bay. from the beach here, you can see the city's view. and by nigh, it turns to a MAGICAL view. The city looked like a very small mountain with dim lights here and there. You can imagine New York's night view and Ambon's view is 20 times more beautiful than New York. This is just the most beautiful bay in the world. The city was framed with a solid black sky where stars are clearly visible. I could spend HOURS just to stare at those cities lights.
Dear folks,
before I got you way too bored reading my sentences, this is my closing line.
put Ambon on your list of travelling, relaxing shelter, holiday destination and refreshing place.
remember her, remember the City of Dreams.
Good night.
Exploring Till Drop
..............
*feel stupid 10 sec later...*
LOL.
okay, so i declare this "Explore Till Drop" theme for my 2011 year. Exploring more food, exploring more places (OMG. VIETNAM.), exploring more language (French, Deutsch, Spanish. Yum Yum. It's nice to know how to say, "Hi, I'm Rey. I'm currently feeling so happy and great and i want you to share the joy of life too!" in like 3 different languages.), exploring more activities activities (volunteering, establishing a nice "smart house" (spoil the detail later), wusu, aikido, capoeira), exploring my hobbies (writing, photographing, drawing, ice skating, piano playing, er, sleeping) and so many more! Of course those things i listed were only example of things i might want to try.
so yeah, i'm kinda excited with this new year atmosphere and determined to make it a better year from the other years passed.
And, even if I know things will NEVER ever run smoothly in my life, I have this good feeling that this could be a really amazing year.
I wish you all also a lovely, warm and better year!
and hail to McD! seriously, they put the PROSPERITY BURGER back on. Yeah i know it's part of welcoming the Chinese New Year (yippiee yaaay!) and will only last for maybe a month (buuu....~), but that's like the BEST burger innovation they have ever made. I will pass Big Mac for this one. Slurrrpp.
i'll see ya around folks.
I'm Amazing Just the Way I am
Oh i welcome this fabolous 2011 new year wift a tremendous happy feeling!
Well first of all there are these cakes and pudding and biscuits and (did i say pudding? i love pudding. yum yum.. :P ) and chocolates and soda and coconut ice with cocktails and you name it! :P :P this year i got A LOT of fireworks here and there, by 12 am it's like the WHOLE complex got out of their houses and threw the fireworks and.... as i watched and played, it felt.... great. really. at first i thought this gonna be so lame and dull new year's ve since we're staying at home... but the atmosphere was so warm and i watched so many fireworks, and there are so many laughs here and there ... and i managed to set up some new resolutions and was hoping i would accomplish them in the coming year!
So here's my resolution!
Rey's To Do List This Year
1. To be a better J's disciples, and leaning closer to HIM, and finding more surprises and blessings and finding HIM bigger in my heart.
2. To be a better girlfriend for A, a more easy going one, a deeper understanding, a better supporter, wise with words and emotion.
3. To be a better friend for my precious besties out there. To be a comfortable shelter for Jude, Tyaz, Fly, Aloince, Rinane, Bombina, Dee and for Wiramiharja, wherever he is.
4. I wanna be ON TIME! And, please, please, reduce that last-minute habit of mine! It's 2011, for goodness' sake.
5. I so have to start saving money. For everything.
6. To Vietnam with Jude! More saving. ouch.
7. Massive hair make over! nyaa....~
8. I want that scholarship to Japan. Yum.
9. To be more organized, neat (Jude please dont pass out), and discipline!
10. And at last, to stay true to myself wherever these resolutions and the efforts to accomplished them take me, to stand for what i believe and what i dream for, coz i'm amazing just the way i am!
Have a fabolous New Year, folks!
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