Vie van Allegre

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Dear folks...

Dear Friend

Dear friend,

I know more than anyone else how scared you are. I know that in each day you would wish you still can go to a new place all along together with your friends. And I know saying goodbye never get any easier and I know you have been wondering when you will ever see us again.
I know that learning language is hard. I know you would choose not to endure that if you could. Or, you would bargain that it will be not a problem if only you could take us all with you and learn together.
I know theses is difficult and you have to give it your all and sometimes you just want to quit when even your "all" is not good enough. I know your Academic Advisor acts like he does not understand at all the condition you are faced with.
I know you love your dad so much and you dont want to make him worried, not when he needs your full support right now.
I know you hate to realize that you are going to be so faraway from your closest friends and your most comfort zone.
I know, that this time you have no idea how long it will take before we could see each other again.

.....You are more experienced than i ever was in this kind of thing. But I do think that God let me go first so that I could fully understand what you feel. And it ain't easy, to be so very far from people you are so used to share your days. From people's laugh you always hear every single day. From people's smile and stories and hugs you always see and got everyday. It ain't easy and it will take a long time before you finally get used to it.

Me, I so easily got lonely here. I really can not say that I am already get used to be far from you girls. I dont think I ever will get used to that.
But I met amazing people who teach me amazing things. I was given the opportunity to learn more about life, even if for me, it is more like the hard way to do it. I learn to grow. And I learn to value friendship more than ever.

At least there will be your family with you. And your heart will stay with us forever and our hearts will go with you forever. Believe me, my dear, there are certain connections that let you know your best friend is in trouble and need your help. That connection show you that no matter how far you go, you will never be forgotten.

I know exactly how you fear to be forgotten because i was there in that place. I have been there and I know nothing other people say will fully assure you that you will not. But I will not forget you in any way. You know there is this magic people called "internet" and there is this magic i called "bound". We have been through so many things together, we share the good in life and we share the bad things. and we still do it, don't we? Sure, time sometimes prevent us to do so. Sure, the place you are heading to is like on the other pole of the earth from here and sure skype-ing maybe become even harder. But dont you forget that as long as you believe we will always be together. Some says that the core of a friendship is you dont need to talk that much. We are connected to each other and I do believe that someday we will meet again. We will definitely find each other again.
Let's see the other part of the world together. Let's visit world's amazing places every year! Let's make a travel plan! Let's send a shared scrapbook. Let's pray for each other every night. Let's study and work as good as we can do and let's meet up after that.

My dear friend,
whenever you are in doubt, just believe that true friendship always, always, always stays in your heart. we will never be away.
Sometimes letting things out of control is okay. Then you can see from the outside and slowly take your control back. Fill your thoughts with positive things, sings out your heart and dont worry too much.

It is okay to be scared, just don't let it rule your heart, your mind and your days.

I believe amazing days line up in front of us. We might walk different paths in different places, but we are housed under the same sky and step under the same planet. We can't be that far, can we?

stay strong there, stay strong. and have faith. You will be all right.

Love and prayer,
Your friend

A Statement of Will

I have a project of enjoying my time here in Japan, stop or at least less complaining and completely have a fun life here. Turns out, the very first step to do that is to literally be back to my own self.
It happened at some moment here in Japan that I start fooling myself by not acting as the real me. By worrying too much, way too much about what other people think, relating it to the reputation of my home university and how my actions would affect the hard work my seniors did and affect the welfare of my junior in the coming years.

For real man, I aint living for myself here. I live for other people, for justice's sake. I live for my university and my seniors' reputation, right now I can't think of any even more stupid way of living a life than what I'm doing right now.

And, at some other point, which is literally just now, I realized that I can not achieve my goals if I dont stop being a pathetic one, who keep pitying myself and grow even more miserable in a place where I should kiss the stars, wake the sun and touch the sky since literally I should HAVE living MY dream right now. Instead i'm acting like i am not living my dream.
and this is enough. I have been so really silent for most of the time, when dirty politics and people who are not related to me, people who should mind their own business and people who dont know me at all judging me, keeping me on the edge and somehow MANAGED to change me, to follow their thoughts, adapt their behavior and act like everything they say is right.

The hell with it.

I am no longer going to do this. When people touched my PRINCIPAL values and they don't stop bugging my very own comfort zone, hell back off. back off now before i really bite you. If you think my life so sucks that you need to lend a hand in a way you think would fix everything out, go screw your own life. People got their own life to be cursed on. There is this barrier that keep certain pieces of my whole identity, existence and core of a self i could called "Rey" and this barrier is my own. Things here starting to slowly reaching my barrier and I have had enough.

From now on I am not gonna stay silent when they start bugging my own life.
Screw all the dirty politics, screw all the authority.
i am living my own live right now, i will keep my responsibility as best as i could but when it comes to things that are against my very own principal values, uh-uh, wait just a minute. I aint living here to be praised and well liked, i aint being here to say yes to everything people say.

I am me. for what i do, what i think, and what i say.
if they dont like me for who i am, i have no reason to change me so they will like me.
i am not letting this going any farther, i am not letting people and society robbed my personality, killing my views and even tough it's not always easy to speak out, at least i show what i think.
i am going to live myself like i always do and should anyone have problem with that, i should not even care.