Winding Road to a Dream Comes True

Rey Lasano 2:57:00 PM
Super honestly, i am quite pissed off right now. To think about it, i almost never write the blog in a state of............ dont-touch-me-i'll-bite-you-in-a-second. But figures that writing has always been my sanctuary so i think why dont i try to write things here.
I dont really want to talk about what upsets me so bad, so i think we can talk about some things worth to write and seriously more important than talking about the thing - or specifically the human being that being so damn selfish and careless and so ungrateful. Something more exciting like......... remember my post around early January? It's called "I'm Amazing Just the Way I am"? It's okay if you dont remember or havent read it yet. :D
In short, in that post I wrote about my 2011 resolution and since I havent been updating the blog for like forever, this would be the right place to start filling you in with updates of my life.

Update #1
Winding Road to a Dream Comes True
My 8th point in 10 resolutions of year 2011 is.............. Capture that scholarship to Japan.
and good gracious I got it!!! Praise be to the Lord because it was HIM who gave this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to step in the holy land of Japan. *crying*

this is JAPAN people. J-A-P-A-N. to tell you the truth, to this day i still believe that this is not real. This must be some kind of a dream or a not-so-good fairy godmother is playing tricks and spell on me that when i finally BELIEVE this was true, I'll wake up and find myself daydreaming in my class. AGAIN.

But if this is really just a dream, then it is one of the sweeeetessst dream i ever got.
For real guys, I'll be spending ONE YEAR in Japan. My departure is scheduled on August 30th and I shall come back here early August next year. This is an exchange student program from my home university with Kanda Gaigo Daigaku in Chiba, Japan.In English it simply called KUIS - Kanda University of International Studies. I searched for some pictures in the web and find that most likely the place where I'll be studying language, history, cultures and Japanese literature would look like this:


I think it's pretty amazing!! And I am really super excited, nervous, happy, worry all in the same time. I was already informed that in Japan I'll be staying in a campus dorm, with another international students.My senior said that there were a lot of international students from different places bringing different cultures like Brazil, Mexico, UK, Korea and so on and i was just cant wait to experience those myself.
The campus is located in Chiba. It was not far from Tokyo, approximately 40 km from the heart of Tokyo, which makes it still in the same district with the country's capital, the Kanto District. The city was famous for its sunset view and its longest monorail in the world as noted by the Guinness Book of World Record. Now that's a WOW. Here is the picture of the monorail:

image from here

they also have beautiful parks that actually....... have nothing out of ordinary but really are nice places to visit when the Sakura flowers are blooming around Spring. The photographs on your left was taken from here. It was Autumn, I think, almost in winter, and those are Gingko trees you're seeing. :D

My seniors told me that Chiba is pretty an interesting city, and it is actually quite near from everywhere. The transportation access were excellent and they say I have options to choose on how will I travel around the city. I of course looking forward to see those amazing places i've been dreaming on visiting and I really cant say how this blessing is............ really unbelievable.


You know guys, beyond this happy and excited and thankful, I also feel....... a strange sadness inside.
I'll be away from people I love. From my mum and my brothers. from Jude. from Hoseki.
from the girls at campus. I love them, i really do. And to think that I'll be away from them......... it's kinda a torturing feeling you know. People keep talking on using YM! MSN, Skype, and everything and there a million ways of communicating with them. But still......... to have them by my side for real is soo much different from having them by internet and phone calls.

The more it gets closer to my departure the more anxious i am. or should i say i'm actually............... really sad. I'll miss A too. altough it's not really good in romantic way for us, i still think he is a very nice bestfriend. and it is comforting somehow to think that should anything goes wrong, he's just a block away from me.
And Jude? man, really. FOR REAL. WHAT am i gonna do without her around? Through things she's been with me to knock off some sense into my head, to be there always and always and to LITERALLY be there when i got lost somewhere in Jakarta. :D :D ahahaha..
My girls will (hopefully) graduating by April 2012. First of all, I wont be around to share their happiness. the thing after that, I wont be graduating with them either. that's actually kinda....... sad, really.
and i'll miss my everyday things with every one of them. I'll miss Aloince, Bumbi, Rinane and Cindy's laughs, I'll miss their silly stories and the way they keep me happy everyday.
I'll miss my brainstorming session with Jude, I'll miss our little chit-chat for not-so-important things, I'll miss us being crazy singing this and that..........
I'll miss my refreshing time with Hoseki. I'll miss those times we were dreaming together and promise we'll support each other along the way. I'll miss our own quality time when we tell our stories. I'll.................

I will miss them.

For sure I'll be saying that postponing my studies at campus for a year will be WORTH the experience and excitement in Japan, but also for sure, I'll be saying that it's not worth one year of precious times i'll lost with my besties and family..........

but life is full of choices. and choice has been made... I'm not choosing either side. I choose both of them. I choose to enjoy my time in Japan as well as maintaining the friendship between me, my family and my precious besties. After all, having been bestfriend with Kevin across the sea for almost 8 years, I believe there are TONS of things friendship could do across the ocean.

beside, didnt i say it? Friendship like me to Jude, me to my girls at campus, me to Hoseki, it is a kind of bond than bind you to death. It has nothing to do with where we are. Because friendship stays in the heart... :) :)

So much for an update guys.. I'll be back with another updates. Dont want to get you bored reading a too long post. Have a good day everyone!

No comments :

Post a Comment

To Be Stronger, Stronger Than Ever

Rey Lasano 7:15:00 PM
Hi everyone, this is me again, Rey, posting from the Earth after months of adventure and lost in Mars.

Heavy things are happening in my life and to be honest, I have no idea how I will go through things.

Last month, I lost my father.

Believe me, that was not easy to write. So many things are not easy to write for me now. I've been hibernating from any form of writing this whole month. I could not write anything. This blog, my undergrad theses, my movie reflection assignment, poem, diary, anything. I barely managed to even write email or worse, texting people. People I actually cared about, people I want to make sure that they know I'll be allright. But after weeks trying, I gave up. I cant lie to them and how could i make people sure i'll be allright when i myself know that i wont?

But as life was always be, shining stars were given to light my way. and even in times when i don't want to rely on their lights, in times when i just want to sit there and not moving anywhere, they keep shining and shining and shining and shining like they wont stop enlighten my way. they wont stop to try to make it easier for me.

I cant possibly tell you guys again about my lost, because it is still way too painful to write. But i can tell you this: a story about those shining stars in my darkest sky.

When the news about my daddy hit me, i was laughing to myself. i couldnt cry. i just laugh. seeing this as the biggest prank and lie someone ever told me. i was holding my cellphone and have no idea what to do with that thing. i didnt want to call A, for i think my mum must've call him or his mum, i'm savin my energy, i could not bring it to say "dad's gone" over and over again.

So i searched for Kevin's number but soon realized it was in my other phone and that phone has been damaged entirely. literally, you could not turn it on. I called his home, and now just realized how foolish that was. It was 3 a.m and Kevin wasnot even there. I dont know what was i thinking. And his father answered the phone, he was really surprised, i said i could not reach his son, and he said he'l ldo it for me.
then I called Jude and she didnt answer her phone and i know she must've been asleep and i have had no intention on disturbing her slumber. so i called Aloi, Bom2, Rinane, but they all didnt answer the call. For just one brief moment, i feel so....... alone. No one really wake up from my call and i'm sort of "where is everybody??" and this wasn't something i could face on my own.

and then i called Cindy and she was............. i must say Cindy is really the first person other than my family and A who talked to me about this. and her reaction was............................. extra flat. i was kinda confused, later on, angry, disappointed. her tone was just...... like it was nothing. she just said she was sorry and she'll notify the other girls. But i have no time on questioning that and i just said "okay then".

i rushed to the hospital with my family and A was also there but to be honest I could not really remember what was goin on, who said what and all. It's like i've been isolated from the other sounds and untill i saw my dad, I still believe that it was a mistake.
after i saw him, i think i switched into a zombie mode. i hear things, i see things, i said yes most of the time but i have no idea what people are talking about. it is hard to describe a feeling like that, moreover it feels like you dont feel anything. it was just....... and endless emptiness.

there i understand, grief is not something you can sympathize, much less empathize. it is something..... you have to feel by yourself so then you can understand how it feels. and it is something i've never felt before and it was really uncomfortable.

then my phone rang. i didnt recognize the number, so i presume it was just another relative who called to say they're sorry and blah blah blah, like ten calls i received before.
the first "hello" is the first sound i really UNDERSTAND after so-called zombie-like state. it was Kevin and he just said, "Ri?" like that. and i couldnt help but tell him things i havent tell other people before and it was hard because i tried hard not to cry and i didnt want him to feel helpless just listening to me. But there he was, staying there in the line. I have no idea what time it was in Berkeley back then, but i was grateful that he was there. I've been best friends with Kevin for such a long time and i know that he was not so good in words department and most of the time he could only say "well...." "well...." and "well........" but only his presence and warmth in his voice and his willingness to immediately called me and stay there untill i hang up the phone is the very thing i need from a best friend. Kevin's call comfort me as i know i am not alone. his call hugged me from across the sea to tell that when everyone wasnt there, he was. I'm pretty sure even when he is asleep, he'll wake up when i called. because that's what always happened when i called him by midnight in Berkeley's time, crying to him about A and everything. It was comforting. and warm. he ended the call by saying, "Contact me should you need anything. keep me posted."

soon after, Jude called. and to her, i could not hold my tears. i moved away from my family and A and i sat in another corner outside the ...room and i cried so hard. and Jude wasnt saying anything. but then this surprised me: she cried for me. the Christina Yang cried for her Meredith Grey. that is the last thing i will expect from her. she cried while she was trying to comfort me with wise words. but her wise words were just unheard. she was crying and crying and crying with me. her call, is the first thing that set me back to earth. Jude's call and her cry is the first thing that touch me and bring me back to reality. i am not telling lies. her call was certainly the call that open my eyes and activate all my senses that's been in zombie like.
why? because her call and cries strengthen me. because it was not a flat emotion or empty words of "i'm sorry to hear that". it was a call that hug me, it was a call that brings the same feeling when your best friend hold your hand and says "everything is gonna be okay and i'll stay here with you." it was a call, that have the power to boost your energy. a call that have the power to make you strong.
so when we ended the call, I felt better. it was still bad. it was still uncomfortable. but it was better.

Later that day, Aloy, Bom2, Rinane, Cindy, Dhani and Indah came to my house. They didnt say anything they juz ask me how i'm doin and try to make me laugh. they tell funny stories and behaved funny and smiled a lot, and i was sure they were doing their best to make me feel better.

and they did.

we went into my room and................ and in some point i ended up telling them stories about my dad, how i'm gonna miss him, how he was so good to me, and how i can not believe this is true. i didnt look in their eyes when i was telling them those stories. i couldnt. i knew the moment i caught one of their eyes, i'll burst into tears and i was afraid i'll be somewhat unstoppable.
But i finally looked up and..........................

and they were crying. they were crying with me and if only i could capture that moment into a picture, i'll keep it close forever. those moments strengthen you, you know. and suddenly i feel okay. i feel i wasnt alone. and altough right now i couldnt find better words in expressing this, but i am glad they were there. i am glad, i have true friends surrounding me..

Days, weeks after that in their own way each of them keep me company. i could feel their touch. not so many words from them, but so many hugs and pat on the back and hugs again and i feel safe.
Kevin constantly e-mailed me asking how are things with me. Jude keeps me company, telling me stories, inviting me to someday explore historical places with her and everything else. Aloy keeps me in track with my assignments and tests and classes. Rinane, Cindy and Bombi keep me laughing most of the times or at least, smiling, e v e r y s i n g l e d a y.

to have them in my life, i am truly blessed.

and through these things i know i have to grow stronger. to be strong, stronger than ever.
i think God has been planning this a long time ago and i know He wanted me to see different things from now on. Havent yet find what He meant, but at least i got one point He's trying to emphasized:

I have stars in my life. and they shine and shine and shine and shine and will neveer leave me alone through the darkest times.
and i love them. truly, from my heart.

i love you.

i do.

No comments :

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Posts ( Atom )