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One Warm Feeling
Funny, it's raining heavily outside..
mild..chill..
but i feel warm inside...
i recognize this warm feeling...
there are...things...that are hard to explained by words..
it just sitting a while outside and let the rain brush my hair and skin....
instead of being cold i felt warm.
inside the rain,
i remembered how Tyaz and me spent our time at High School... that even we're apart,, somehow we're connected... the memories just come like a rush of peaceful feeling and realizing i always have a place like her to run to, it'scomforting.... that is Warm Number One...
inside the rain,
i remembered how scared i was when leaving High School for Atma. And then, i met this amazing people here. Aloiina, Rintak, Bombina n Dee... i could never thank them enough for supporting me here... they make me stand my ground, i could not say "hardest time" because they were there make it always easier...
There are classes i need to got minimal a "B" to survive, that's not a fun fact, really. But then, again, Bombi said, "We'll be here. No worries."
that day, she said it just like a normal conversation. i bet she even forgot she told me that.
but then again..... it's warm....
and through dizziness everyday,, i know Aloii would be there and share fine n warm laughters like no one else could give me an opportunity like that to express the laughters...
and, even tough troubles are everywhere, Rintak wud never ever let anything hurt me deeper than she could hug me. Her hug always go deeper than any pain. it's like magic....and it is warm.... thats Warm Number Two
inside the rain,
i remembered that back then, there was Wiramihardja with his silly words and attitude, with his smart n short solution, with his annoying attitude n i cant help but laugh when that lead him to more troubles.
yes, he's far away. yes, he got someone to talk to now everyday, but i dont feel like he's using me when he was alone. not at all.
instead, i feel warm....
warm knowing he's also feel warm....
i think, there are friends like Aloii, Rintak, Bombi n Dee who are clearly visible everyday, but there are "star friends" who are not visible everyday, but yea, you know they are there.
it feels warm... remembering that all i need is text.
it's warm, because it's a look-alike kind of friendship with Tyaz.
a friendship that wont be forgotten by time.
a friendship that last. Warm Number Three.
inside the rain,
i remembered Crystal has always been the first who cares to anythin happened to me. somehow she has ALWAYS known what's happening to me, n she'll ask right away.
my problems are hers n hers are mine.
you just have to feel it someday.
that warmth, when you know, friendship has nothing to do with time n distance.
it matters of one soul dwelling in two bodies. That's Warm Number Four
inside the rain, i figured out the warmest warmth.
i remembered how i used to ask God,
"Why J, why do You create something called "love" when i cant understand it any bit...?"
n i see how warm it is now, for having A here. his presence, even when he just say nothing and juz look me in the eye........
i know i'm safe.
and through every single thing. i mean it, every single little thing, he's there. making sure i'm warm and happy and safe.
sometimes, i feel like God has given me too much blessing by sending him here, right beside my side...
for every touch,
every hugs,
every moment.....
it's........warm...
knowing that i have him here, to share everything, pain, anger, sadness, laughters, joy, faith, dreams, you name it! it's warm.... it really is....
i know i would face the world just fine with him here...
i find it the hardest to explain his warm compared to explaining the others' warm... because....
it's something that..............
i really cant find any words to describe..........
how warm it is.....
maybe someday,
you just have to feel it to understand.
dear God,
you've given me an unperfect life...
but you've given me...
perfect people to live this unperfect life,
every.
single.
day.
for that J........
thankyou.....................
(Not) a Mere Dreamer
Gw jatuh cinta sama Mac Taylor of Crime Scene Investigation: New York...
kyaaaa....kyaaaa...!!
:P
dan jatuh cinta juga sama the rest of the team....
ughhh... Mac Taylor tuu yaaah... he's damn cool...
i'm so dead deh kalo liat dia...
mwakakakakakakak.....
the show, CSI: NY, ceritanya setting di crime lab, yang, seperti namanya terdengar,
isinya adalah...... crime lab. *merasa bego.
intinya mereka orang-orang science (gosh. statistik gw D en gw berharap masuk science. -.-") *putus asa* yang kerja di bagian forensic.
Ato, bisa juga orang-orang social (yaaayyy...!!) yang ambil Criminal Justice di college, which was, my dream, only God didnt let me in. *sigh....
if i to speak my passion in life, that would be Criminal Justice. Yang, sayangnya harus diambil di luar negeri.... kalo mo diinget2 lagi rasanya miris... i was so close buat ke sana... but... things happened, and funny, i dont regret the way i am now. the way i stuck with Psychology.. :P and the way i'm still right here in beloved Indonesia...
not in NY, as i wanted to be.. hahaha...!! XD
Criminal Justice, adalah cita-cita dan mimpi yang dulu ngga pernah berani gw ungkap. Takut omongan miring orang-orang, takut dikatain konyol, takut dikatain ngga realistis.
and sometimes, i feel it IS NOT realistic.
and often, i feel it DOES ridicolous.
Ato lebih parah lagi, takut dikatain kena CSI Effect, hanya karena gw terpesona dengan CSI then i wanna be one of them.
that is so wrong. inspiration could come from anywhere. Mbah Pavlov
juga ngga nyangka kok kalo Demitrie, anjingnya lah yang bakal jadi inspirasi salah satu teori besar dalam Psikologi tentang cara mengajari sesuatu ke orang lain.
Buat yang peasaran... ini looh yang namanya Pavlov.....
......dan doggy nya, Demitrie....
kok nyasarnya jadi jauh begini ya.
balik, balik...
iyah, jadi, orang yang kepada dialah pertama kali gw m
engakui impian gw adalah: teteterertetetetetttt...!!!
Bokap gw.
yak, terus terang itu lebih ke arah karena mau ngga mau i gotta tell him gw mo melangkah kemana, secara sudah kelas 3 SMA dan graduation sudah di depan mata dan gw ngga menunjukkan ketertarikan di bidang beli-beli formulir kampus seperti yang seharusnya anak kelas 3 SMA normal lakukan.
ugh. kenapa gw selalu merasa ngga normal..??
gw (dengan takut-takut and gelisah) mengutarakan keinginan gw ke bokap gw. Gw ngga pernah ngerasa segelisah itu sebelumnya kalo ngomong ma bokap. dan reaksi bokap gw?
"Oke. Got any idea where u would learn that subject...?"
gw: Bengong.
bokap: itu...er...apa ya..? jadi polisi begitu...? papi aga ngga ngerti tadi penjelasan kamu (sambil nyetir, ngga liat gw bengong)
gw: bengong
bokap: emang kamu maunya beneran jadi polisi?
gw: (sadar) i'm not a field cop ran for thieves dad. it sorta lookin for the evidence. and fingerprinting. and those tech.
bokap: (ngangguk2)
gw: diijinin kah?
bokap: why not? run for it girl.
gw: BENGONG SEPANJANG HARI.
next few weeks, waktu gw dah dapet sekolah, agent dan bahkan dapet daftar pelajarannya,, intinya bokap tinggal tanda tangan en bayar,
bokap gw kena stroke.
that.................
change everything.
dan kalo mau tau rasanya mimpi kalian hancur di depan mata, setelah akhirnya kalian berani mengutarakannya, dan unexpectedly, bokap kalian nggak merasa itu sesuatu yang konyol, that left you empty n hurt.
damn damn damn damn.......
yah, itu sekitar 2 tahun yang lalu. dan seperti yang gw bilang, gw yang sekarang sama sekali ngga menyesali keberadaan gw yang akhirnya nggak bisa ngambil CJ...
God help me rebuilt my life, rediscover my dream, dan gw ngebiarin Dia menuntun gw buat ngeliat the reason why everything turn this way. Percaya ato nggak, kalo kalian bilang i'm gonna re-found my dream again 2 taon lalu, gw bakal hanya bisa ngeliat kalian dengan senyum lemah, an appreciation buat usaha kalian menghibur gw. Gw, hampir ngga percaya kalo gw bakal bisa nemuin mimpi laen di sini.
but.
i DO find my dream.
Gw sekarang lagi berusaha nyelesai in S1 Psikologi gw secepat mungkin... ada field yang namanya Forensic Psychology and i'm running my path to that place... :P
percaya ato ngga juga, God meet me with si kucing, tepat di saat-saat kritis bokap gw, di saat-saat gw merasa living was so empty...di saat-saat gw ngerasa, i have no dream anymore, ato keberanian buat sekali lagi punya mimpi, karena takut bakal ancur lagi.
kalo. kalo yah.
kalo gw beneran cabut ke luar back then, mungkin gw nggak kenal si kucing.
dan mungkin gw nggak akan mengalami "rasa" luar biasa yang gw, selamanya, nggak bakal bisa menjelaskan how wonderful feeling it is.
beyond imagination.
beyond any dream...
a blessing........
Jalan ke Forensic Psych bukan sesuatu yang gampang. Tapi,, gw berdoa ma Babeh... supaya in every step i take, i take it with Him. Gw pengen, Indonesia juga punya satu sistem Criminal Justice (Forensic, Evidence System, Criminal Profilinf, Database System) yang oke. Gw pengen ilmu itu bisa diterapin disini, sukur-sukur akirnya ada jurusan CJ di Indonesia. And inspirate and encourage and help thousand others di Indonesia buat berbagi mimpi, cita-cita en tujuan yang sama.
kedengeran konyol kah...? dan nggak realistis...?
yeah... i admit that... :)
tapi, tetep menurut gw, Nidji bener dengan bilang kalo mimpi itu kunci buat kita menaklukan dunia... XD
tanpa mimpi, kita nggak bakal bisa maju.
tanpa kita bermimpi, dunia bakal maju tapi kita bakal tetep.
tanpa berusaha mewujudkan mimpi, semuanya yah sama juga boong.
Gw juga jatuh cinta sama iPhone 3gS... gyaaa
aa...gyaaaa....!!
...dan Mac Book...!! kyaaaaaaa...... ~
..........n do i have the money to buy them?
ngga...hahahahahaa.....
tapi, gw menolak buat nyerah. i'll find my way... ^^ someday i'll get a hold of that iPhone n Mac...
:)
I'm a dreamer. i love daydreaming.
but i'm not a mere dreamer.
i run for my dream.
lari, lari, lari lebih cepet, lebih cepet, dan lebih cepet lagi.
pemimpi, tapi, with God besides me, gw akan jadi pemimpi yang mewujudkan mimpi gw...!!
Ameen....
Have You Seen My Childhood?
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?
Tiba-tiba gw kepikiran sama Michael Jackson.
Sosok dia, mengingatkan gw ke CD lagu pertama (dan satu-satunya, sepanjang yang bisa gw inget,) yang dikasih sama bokap ke gw, yang ngomong-ngomong waktu itu masih umur sekitar 10 tahun.
Gw ngga begitu inget alesan bokap ngasih CD History: Past, Present and Future ke gw yang jelas ga ngerti apa-apa soal Michael Jackson dan jelas juga, d
engan kemampuan English yang serba terbatas, yang jelas juga, hanya melihat MJ sebagai sosok berpakaian bling-bling yang ngga ada malu-malunya jogat-joget di panggung.tapi.
ada sesuatu yang gw inget tapi gw lupa.
nah loh. bingung kah?
sama gw juga...
muahahahahaa... gw sering kaya gitu tuh ma si kucing... apa yang ada di pikiran sih ngerti...tapi nyampein nya nggak ngerti gimana caranya. akhirnya jadi sama-sama bingung deh.. wuakakakakak....
okay. sampe mana tadi gw ngomong? oh iya, MJ.
gw inget, bokap ngasih tuh CD sengan tampang yang seneng. gw inget bau atmosfir nya, rasa suasananya, inget baju yang bokap pake, gw inget semua detail kecil dari hari dimana bokap ngasih tuh CD ke gw. kecuali satu. ada satu hal yang gw lupa.
bokap ngomong sesuatu ke gw waktu dia ngasih CD itu.
dan gw ga inget sama sekali apa yang dia bilang. tapi sekarang, 9 tahun kemudian, gw, di sini, di depan komputer, tengah malem, sunyi-sepi, dengan semua lagu MJ berkumandang..dengan keadaan bokap gw stroke.....
rasanya waktu tu bokap pasti bilang sesuatu yang penting....
something important but forgotten.
sad, karena gw ga bisa tanya ma bokap apa yang dia bilang ke gw waktu itu.
fuuuuh....
*menarik nafas panjang2...
sekarang, kalo denger2 lagu2 nya MJ begini....
really.... it feels close.
kayanya perasaan "hangat" begini,, perasaan yang gw rasain tiap kali denger lagunya MJ... udah lamaaaaaa banget ga gw rasain. kaya long-lost feeling gitu.
gw ngga ngerti itu either way karena:
1. MJ gw asosiasikan dengan salah satu musik fav bokap gw (selain Ging Gang Gooly... wahahahaha....) makanya gw ngerasa dekettt bgtt ma sosok satu ini... ato karena,
2. MJ nya udah moonwalk di alam sana,, makanya feeling "merinding" nya lebih berasa....(serasa diliatin sama orangnya dari "sana". buset. serem aja. hyahahahaha...) ato karena,
3. Gw emang suka aja ama lagunya MJ...
entahlah. tapi... denger lagu2 nya.. apalagi ini nih, Childhood, kayanya... gw jadi inget banyak hal. Gw inget, waktu bokap ngasih History ke gw, gw puter mulu tuh CD,, ga bosen-bosen... dan dari sekian banyak lagu, yang nempel banget di gw itu lagu Heal The World. gw bilang ama bokap gw, gw suka lagu itu karena suara MJ halus baangettt di situ. dan gw juga inget, bokap gw tanya, gw ngerti apa ngga arti tuh lagu. yang langsung gw jawab dengan cepat:
nggak.
hakkakakakakak...
gw juga nggak ngerti kenapa juga sebenernya gw nulis ini.
rasanya ngga penting juga,
tapi gw berprinsip kalo menulis itu ngga harus penting khan...?
so i write what it is inside my head...
sekarang, setelah udah gede dan lebih ngerti dikit tentang bahasa inggris, musik dan dance... gw jadi makin seneng. suaranya MJ bisa yang kaya di Beat It ato Thriller ato They Dont Really Care About Us.... tapi bisa as soft as Heal The World, Childhood dan bisa sekeren di Billie Jean and Smooth Criminal.
he's the king...
huahahahahaha...
moreover, atmosfir hangatnya itu loh. yeah...emang...mungkin itu sedikit-banyak karena gw selalu ngait in MJ ma bokap sih...karena kayanya rata2 orang dengerin MJ bawaannya pengen bergoyang2..goyang2 kepala dikit..goyang2 kaki n tangan..goyan..goyang...goyaaang....bukannya malah senyum2 berasa anget kaya gw..
hyahahahaha...
.........MJ,, i lift my glass for you...
:)
p.s.
cant wait for This Is It rehearsal. on cinema, oct 28th 2009, 2 weeks only on air...
^^
This is it, MJ's final show.
Pengertian
Gw mulai cape nih ma kehidupan.
maybe God trusts me too much with life...
gw bener-bener ngira kalo gw dan dia (iya, dia, si kucing itu) sudah sama-sama punya tingkat pengertian yang tinggi.... dan kenyataannya adalah:
masih begitu banyak hal yang perlu kita masing-masing pelajari.
kadang2... gw ngerasa aneh. sangat aneh....
entah memang seperti itulah Babe menciptakan cewe n cowo (yang begitu amat sangat berbeda hampir dalam semua hal...)
ato cuma gw aja yang emang ngga tau caranya menjalani sebuah hubungan..
kadang2... gw juga mikir,, kok bisa yah Babe di Atas sana masangin gw ama si kucing... emang banyak. BANYAK bangett kok kesamaannya... nyambung sekali nge jokes nya... enakk bangett ngobrolnya.... asyik banget curhat-curhatnya.... dan..... DAHSYAT sekali cuma SATU perbedaannya.
oke. lebay.
banyak juga kok perbedaan.
maksud gw adalah: PERBEDAAN yang SATU ini TERLALU AMAT SANGAT MENDASAR BEDANYA...!!
*ngos2 an karena ngomel2...
yang, di counter balik sama temen sakti gw, Karina,, dengan bilang
"so what gtu kalo lw begitu? dan so what juga kalo dia nya begini? yang penting kan pengertian kalian berdua..."
hmm..masuk akal.... *ngangguk2 sambil elus2 jenggot....
pengertian.
P-E-N-G-E-R-T-I-A-N...
seharian ini gw ngeja kata itu terus2 an dalam hati gw....
satu kata cilik yang bener2 penting ternyata dalam hubungan 2 orang...
sesuatu yang gw kira udah kami punya,, yang ternyata masiy harus dikembangin lagi..
alasan kenapa Karina and Anto dah luamuaaaa bgttt ga brantem2 lagi,, mungkin karena dua-duanya dah master dalam hal pengertian...
akirnya gw ngomong puanjang lebarr ma si kucing..
dan dia juga ngomong puanjuang lebarr ma gw..
memang,, masalah kami udah lewat stage 1: sangat sangat sangatt berlaku keterbukaan antara gw dan dia..
tapi masiy nyangkut di stage 2: perlu PENGERTIAN yang daleeemmmm antara berdua..
dan akhirnya, gw n dia setuju ma kata2 Karina...
pengertian, gw rasa, mulai dengan penerimaan n rasa percaya..
ngalahin ego masing2...
bertindak BUKAN sesuai dengan emosi kita,,
tapi NYESUAI in emosi dia...
hihihihii...
hari ini...
selain dapet satu poin baru ama si kucing...
gw diijinin sama Babe..buat bersyukur.......
buat punya sahabat-sahabat.......
yang pelukannya anget..yang kata2 nya nge damai in.... yang rasa pedulinya selangit...
bahkan waktu dua diantara mereka cuma diem.....
diem n pelukan mereka...tepukan di bahu gw n senyum ngerti....
.........................
kaya........
HARTA KARUN!!
I'm the happiest luckiest girl in the world...
love my besties...
love my ciing....
Thanks God I Found U all....
maybe God trusts me too much with life...
gw bener-bener ngira kalo gw dan dia (iya, dia, si kucing itu) sudah sama-sama punya tingkat pengertian yang tinggi.... dan kenyataannya adalah:
masih begitu banyak hal yang perlu kita masing-masing pelajari.
kadang2... gw ngerasa aneh. sangat aneh....
entah memang seperti itulah Babe menciptakan cewe n cowo (yang begitu amat sangat berbeda hampir dalam semua hal...)
ato cuma gw aja yang emang ngga tau caranya menjalani sebuah hubungan..
kadang2... gw juga mikir,, kok bisa yah Babe di Atas sana masangin gw ama si kucing... emang banyak. BANYAK bangett kok kesamaannya... nyambung sekali nge jokes nya... enakk bangett ngobrolnya.... asyik banget curhat-curhatnya.... dan..... DAHSYAT sekali cuma SATU perbedaannya.
oke. lebay.
banyak juga kok perbedaan.
maksud gw adalah: PERBEDAAN yang SATU ini TERLALU AMAT SANGAT MENDASAR BEDANYA...!!
*ngos2 an karena ngomel2...
yang, di counter balik sama temen sakti gw, Karina,, dengan bilang
"so what gtu kalo lw begitu? dan so what juga kalo dia nya begini? yang penting kan pengertian kalian berdua..."
hmm..masuk akal.... *ngangguk2 sambil elus2 jenggot....
pengertian.
P-E-N-G-E-R-T-I-A-N...
seharian ini gw ngeja kata itu terus2 an dalam hati gw....
satu kata cilik yang bener2 penting ternyata dalam hubungan 2 orang...
sesuatu yang gw kira udah kami punya,, yang ternyata masiy harus dikembangin lagi..
alasan kenapa Karina and Anto dah luamuaaaa bgttt ga brantem2 lagi,, mungkin karena dua-duanya dah master dalam hal pengertian...
akirnya gw ngomong puanjang lebarr ma si kucing..
dan dia juga ngomong puanjuang lebarr ma gw..
memang,, masalah kami udah lewat stage 1: sangat sangat sangatt berlaku keterbukaan antara gw dan dia..
tapi masiy nyangkut di stage 2: perlu PENGERTIAN yang daleeemmmm antara berdua..
dan akhirnya, gw n dia setuju ma kata2 Karina...
pengertian, gw rasa, mulai dengan penerimaan n rasa percaya..
ngalahin ego masing2...
bertindak BUKAN sesuai dengan emosi kita,,
tapi NYESUAI in emosi dia...
hihihihii...
hari ini...
selain dapet satu poin baru ama si kucing...
gw diijinin sama Babe..buat bersyukur.......
buat punya sahabat-sahabat.......
yang pelukannya anget..yang kata2 nya nge damai in.... yang rasa pedulinya selangit...
bahkan waktu dua diantara mereka cuma diem.....
diem n pelukan mereka...tepukan di bahu gw n senyum ngerti....
.........................
kaya........
HARTA KARUN!!
I'm the happiest luckiest girl in the world...
love my besties...
love my ciing....
Thanks God I Found U all....
Love is to Love
"Untuk mendapatkan yang 'terbaik' kita harus berani melepaskan yang 'baik' "
Gw baru aja melontarkan kata2 itu di depan temen gw,, setelah dia putus..dan waktu gw tanya (karena sayang banget sih...2 orang itu keliatan lucu dulu... T.T), dia bilang "yah...? mau diapain lagi...?" begitulah.... kadang2 gw jadi mikir sih. (iya, iya, bukan kadang2.. gw emang tukang mikir... XD) banyak hal yang bikin 'takut' di dunia ini yah... death, losing friends, losing boy/girl friend, takut ga lulus, takut ga bisa ngerjain Faal, takut feedback Observasi ditolak ma ketua Himapsi, teman nya dan dosennya... fuuhh....~ curcol mode: ON.. ngahahahahaa... gw juga jadi mikir, kalo sebenernya be in love sama seseorang tuh risky yah... risky banget... dulu sebelum kita punya hubungan sama orang lain ini, kita santai-santai aja jalanin hidup.. tapi begitu punya "seseorang" ini, we risk our heart siy sebenernya. dan bukannya gw ga seneng. justru rasanya yang bitter-sweet itu, yang bikin deg2 an, yang bikin people called love as an art.... gw juga inget kata2 Mba Gita,
"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
kalo ga salah itu quote dari seseorang bernama Erica Jong deh...coba...coba..yang punya mbah Google silahkan dicek kebenarannya.. gw taunya ini kata2 nya Mba Gita-ku soalnya... mwahahahahahaa...
bener ga sih tuh...?
soal risky love, maksud gw. bukan soal Erica Jong.
Banyak orang yang sinis banget soal cinta. dan gw mesti mengakui kalo gw salah satu diantaranya kok. Tapi balik lagi, masalahnya adalah kalo kita ngga mempertaruhkan segalanya buat "cinta" itu, kita risk even more.
Buat gw, yang amat sangat sinis sekali dengan cinta dan hubungan cewek-cowok yang lebih dari sekedar sahabat, datengnya si kucing tuh kaya angin seger..muahahahahaa...
i never did trust someone this much, moreover, trusting my heart...
mungkin, gw harus mengakui, kalo seperti kata Woody Allen:
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
inti yang gw tangkep dari omongan belok kanan-belok kiri orang ini adalah: se sinis2 nya gw sama rasa cinta, gw memang nggak bisa ngelak waktu rasa itu dateng kok... so..dengan sejuta harapan, doa, n best wishes hari ini... gw mo ngirimin sejuta bintang harapan buat temen gw itu... sejuta bintang terimakasih buat Mba Gita (dan Erika( n Woody Allen buat inspirasinya... sejuta bintang terimakasih buat sohib2 gw... dan sejuta bintang buat angin seger yang udah bikin gw liat, love is not always about being cynical, broken hearted and scary thing almost all of the time. love is to love. that is just the nature... XD
Gw baru aja melontarkan kata2 itu di depan temen gw,, setelah dia putus..dan waktu gw tanya (karena sayang banget sih...2 orang itu keliatan lucu dulu... T.T), dia bilang "yah...? mau diapain lagi...?" begitulah.... kadang2 gw jadi mikir sih. (iya, iya, bukan kadang2.. gw emang tukang mikir... XD) banyak hal yang bikin 'takut' di dunia ini yah... death, losing friends, losing boy/girl friend, takut ga lulus, takut ga bisa ngerjain Faal, takut feedback Observasi ditolak ma ketua Himapsi, teman nya dan dosennya... fuuhh....~ curcol mode: ON.. ngahahahahaa... gw juga jadi mikir, kalo sebenernya be in love sama seseorang tuh risky yah... risky banget... dulu sebelum kita punya hubungan sama orang lain ini, kita santai-santai aja jalanin hidup.. tapi begitu punya "seseorang" ini, we risk our heart siy sebenernya. dan bukannya gw ga seneng. justru rasanya yang bitter-sweet itu, yang bikin deg2 an, yang bikin people called love as an art.... gw juga inget kata2 Mba Gita,
"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
kalo ga salah itu quote dari seseorang bernama Erica Jong deh...coba...coba..yang punya mbah Google silahkan dicek kebenarannya.. gw taunya ini kata2 nya Mba Gita-ku soalnya... mwahahahahahaa...
bener ga sih tuh...?
soal risky love, maksud gw. bukan soal Erica Jong.
Banyak orang yang sinis banget soal cinta. dan gw mesti mengakui kalo gw salah satu diantaranya kok. Tapi balik lagi, masalahnya adalah kalo kita ngga mempertaruhkan segalanya buat "cinta" itu, kita risk even more.
Buat gw, yang amat sangat sinis sekali dengan cinta dan hubungan cewek-cowok yang lebih dari sekedar sahabat, datengnya si kucing tuh kaya angin seger..muahahahahaa...
i never did trust someone this much, moreover, trusting my heart...
mungkin, gw harus mengakui, kalo seperti kata Woody Allen:
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
inti yang gw tangkep dari omongan belok kanan-belok kiri orang ini adalah: se sinis2 nya gw sama rasa cinta, gw memang nggak bisa ngelak waktu rasa itu dateng kok... so..dengan sejuta harapan, doa, n best wishes hari ini... gw mo ngirimin sejuta bintang harapan buat temen gw itu... sejuta bintang terimakasih buat Mba Gita (dan Erika( n Woody Allen buat inspirasinya... sejuta bintang terimakasih buat sohib2 gw... dan sejuta bintang buat angin seger yang udah bikin gw liat, love is not always about being cynical, broken hearted and scary thing almost all of the time. love is to love. that is just the nature... XD
Reflection
a note of silent reflection in the rain...
Sometimes things are easy for us, but hard for others...
Sometimes loneliness teach u many precious things...
Sometimes someone hides his / her feeling so good untill you can't see what it is behind their smile, what it is behind their warm laugh, what it is behind their painful tears, what it is behind their soft expression, what it is behind their harsh words, what it is behind their nonsense attitude...
What you called justice perhaps was an injustice for someone else
What you called sin perhaps was a blessing for the others
What you called death perhaps was actually a life
What you called patience perhaps means waiting in eternity for others...
What do you see perhaps is unseen for others...
What do you understand might be a big burden of nonsense for someone
What you cant reach might belong to someone else
What you can dream might be a pleasure for someone who is dreamless
What you hope for perhaps is impossibility for someone
What do you fear perhaps is a torch of braveness for someone else
What you dont realize perhaps was understood by others
Stars maybe countless for you, maybe someone could count it
Sun may bring new start for you, but rain may clean everything for the others
your choice perhaps kill someone out there
...but could save someone else too in the same time...
life could bring you to thousand crossroads,
but you could lead life to one destination...
understanding is to forgiving
forgiving is to loving
loving is to living
and living is for everyone else in the world,
whether you know them or not.
you have no idea of whose life you touch tonight...
of whose life yours are intertwined with...
of thousand possibilities.......
........either to save......
.....to let go....
...to kill...
..to start...
....to end...
or simply to stay still....
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