C O M P L I C A T E D

Rey Lasano 7:07:00 AM
GYAAAAA..........!!!

Ahem. Thankyou for letting me scream out folks.
so listen, i've been running a pretty rough days this whole...half semester at campus. believe it or not, knowing coping strategis as a result of you paying a lot of money into the faculty of Psychology doesnt really help you, if you are a college student, year 2nd, 4th smester, at this campus of crazy lecturer and assignments.

Thanks God i am still alive.
and thanks A, thanks Aloii, Bum2, Rintak, Crystal.... thanks for not letting me booked a room on the nearest local mental hospital.
and thankyou, Mac Taylor.
and you too, Derek Shepherd.

okay enough.. hahahahaha... :P

This half-semester's assignment is just CRAZY. I dont know what would happen for our finals, because our lecturers are definitely gonna kill us. they have no mercy, and looks like they have forgotten what "stress" and "out of time" means, considering that their major pleasure is torturing us. Geez,, i miss my 1st semester lecturers.

that's one problem, here comes the other one. by some weird twist of fate, the computer system separated me from my girls (so we're in a different class), and, by my stupidity, i didnt change the class when i had the chance to. (STUPID ME). so, i'm stucked in this class, alone, left in the dark and sad.
well, that's overreacting. the truth is, we were supposed to make a group of two for our mid-exam, and i paired with this friend of mine, and thats when troubles start popping up endlessly. we have a disagreement, we're not satisfied with each other, and we pretend everything's fine for the sake of the exam, but undeniably, we grow irritated to each other more and more everyday. for my pleasure, everything ended with she (undeliberately) throw my cellphone to water and soap at the toilet. JUST GREAT. thankyou so much. really, i am mad, of course, but when she tried to explain that she did not do it on purpose, then i think, "okay, okay. everybody messed up sometimes." but then you would at least expect that someone ask you about your cellphone the next morning, right? right...? some question like, "how is your cellphone? could you switch it on? any damage?" but this foolhead doesnt even ask me about that. way to go, little devil. you're a very good and responsible girl, God bless you and your life, really. i tried not to curse you, because:

1. that is how i've been teached. hold yur tongue for curses, bless people who hurt you.
2. that's exactly what a princess would do.
be thankful, because otherwise, i would yell curses right in front of your face.

you should think that it is enough for a rough semester. but apparently, life doesnt like it when i'm free of trouble, so it decides to add one more little pain in the ass for me to face. now this one girl is a very good friend of mine. and... she's getting too comfortable with my boyfriend, and i am tired to write off what exactly ARE the things she did.
truly, i dont sense any threat nor harm from her. i still believe that she is my good friend, so most likely she did all those things that pissed me off  just......... i mean, i believe that she doesnt mean me any harm.
but then, withh her being so..........comfortable, and even sometimes she....she looked like a spoiled brat clinging to A, and i'm like.............speechless. because what am i going to say anyway...?
something like "hey, bestie.. i feel totally annoyed with u being so comfort with my bf. so just behave urself girl, stop acting like a byotch or quit calling me bestfriend."
that's a war statement, really. and i dont want any war.

u know what folks. about this cellphone thing, and also this too-comfort thing... i kinda feel like i got a trouble now, in expressing my feelings, my emotion. mostly i would just take a deep breath and hold it still, in silence. from one side, that is really a progress, i used to just BURST out in anger, untill i noticed that you cant do that to everyone. people have their own interpretation when you scream out at someone.

but in the other side i feel like i just...piled up this anger and someday, it would just explode. because i havent yet tell those people that i'm so sick of them, and that's make me feel uncomfortable with myself.

geez folks, life is so complicated.
:(
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Six Impossible Things before Breakfast

Rey Lasano 11:55:00 PM
I think of six impossible things before breakfast... :P

Alice's:

1. There is a drink that make me shrink
2. There is a cake that make me grow
3. Cat can disappear
4. Animals can talk
5. There is a place called Wonderland
6. I can slay the jabberwocky...

Rey's:

1. I can always count on cat
2. My besties worth a million stars
3. Family tastes like a myth
4. I am a princess, heir to adroitness
5. Dreams are for real
6. I can be anything while bearing everything and do lifesaving....
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Imagine

Rey Lasano 4:14:00 PM

Your fun is only limited by your imagination...

before sinking deeper to the article i want to credit anney.deviantart.com for this....... magical picture... really, it captures the idea of even as an adult, you still can find magic in your imagination...

i heard this quote on the Bedtime Stories movie. As far as i can remember, Adam Sandler starred on that movie. oh, and speaking about him folks, go listen to his song "I wanna Grow Old with You".. it's a definitely beautiful and romantic song... :)

right, so back to the quote. You know what, these days i've been thinking, of what was the world look like when we were just kids. A very colorful world, fun things everywhere, free imagination without have to feel like you're a total fool. My father used to take me to a very big water park and swimming pool here, and i was real happy. I remember i used to pretended that i am a princess, the water park was my castle, and that i have big different adventures everytime i visit a different part of the park.

Recalling that, i've never been to that water park again ever since my father got sick. But, urm, geez, that's not the point. even if someone take me there once again, i'm pretty sure i cant see the adventures like when i was a kid. that's kinda sad, actually. because now i honestly think, the world looks like a so much better place when you have kids' view to see it. i remember i used to imagining every single day, everytime, everywhere. i could easily make a different way to see things when it was bad to me.. 

so then, from this day, i've been promising myself to, once again put my imagination over the world. seeing it with a different way, break the border...and once again taste the sweetness of the world even when you know you face scary things everyday.

Now then, when i was a kid, i'd run to my father and mother for protection. and how i wish i could still run to them. to him. my father, i mean. but then, realizing that God puts my mom, my A, my besties.... their open arms and hearts to make sure i'm safe.... it wont be so much different, i think. different,actually, in a happier way...

so now, i honestly havent figured out what to do with my life, but... i'm sure i have some imagination...
*giggle*

that would include being a writer, master the piano, do something useful with this psychology thing (i'm in a state of disliking my major because of my-not-very-nice lecturer. note it folks, i'm disliking it doesnt mean i lost passion in it. i love this subject. :P ), and of course, living a long happy inspiring lovely life with him. XD

then.
someday, i would more than gladly to share dreams with kids, fill them with hope. like dad did to me. make them believe they can be anything, do anything....
that the world in their hands, that their dreams could change the world someday...
i am delighted with that job, i guess.

someday, i want to touch the sky. seeing earth from outer space...understanding forensics, work at a crime lab, building a great crime lab here in this nation...

someday, i want to work with Crystal together. building the largest museum here, in Indonesia. making people believe and see that museum like a home, not a boring place. a new home, with new inspirations, new knowledge. i'll be more than willing to see them say "ooohhh...! i havent seen it before..." and go home feeling refreshed by our museum....

someday, i want to travel around the world. seeing different places, stay for a while, making new friends and then travel again....

someday, i want to stay in New York City, i'll drag Crystal from her home if I have to (luckily i dont seem have to do that. Because she might've gone to that place before i spell "aeroplane"). I'll find a way to persuade A if he's already in Japan (altough i dont mind staying there for a while, either.. XD) and i'll take my mum there, let her shop till drop, choose her very own flat and eat, sleep, sing happily always...

someday, i would want a family so happy and nice. inspiring and having a strong bond like Aloii's family has. a family you knew, wherever you go, whoever you find, whatever you do, you would always come home to us. to your family.

and someday, someday, someday...............
i have forgotten what it feels like to be so excited like this about dreams.
about imaginations.
and it feels.............. great!!

and this one step i have to do is to stop blogging right now, get back to my room and study Abnormal Psychology for my mid-test (tomorrow, 12.15 p.m), prepare the utmost, praying to God for His help, and score as high as i could get...

translation: i really gotta go now folks.. ;)

cheer ur day, keep imagining, dont forget do something to make it all come true.



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Rey Lasano 5:55:00 AM

...Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things... (1 Corinthians
13: 7)
Good morning... Have a pure heart of love today folks, before it's too late... :)

this piece of photograph is really warm. it really is.
it pictures a feeling of comfort and warmth and love and friendship between couples.
it pictures what i feel everytime ciing is around... :P
and i cant help myself smiling everytime i look at this pic....

it's fully credited to evangeliine.deviantart.com.
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Rey Lasano 11:40:00 PM
@ Ishie Hoseki Ratna (http://greenychocoratz.blogspot.com/)
good almost-morning... hahahahahahhaa....
i didnt realize you were keeping up with allegre...
so even tough it is far too late, i still would gladly welcoming you to the blog... :)

so here you are...!!
welcome to allegre darl...!! stay tuned, enjoy and thankyou soo much for following...
:P
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keep crying

Rey Lasano 10:58:00 PM
i keep crying. i really dont know what to do and how to end this.
when leaving is so hurt and keeping up is just as bad.
like i dont have any options. why i write it here? no worries folks, he wont even read this. he doesnt even remember how to spell vie-van-allegre. so, 90% chance is it wont make much difference on writing it here or not.

i wish someone would make this stop.
the crying, i mean.
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Afraid

Rey Lasano 11:36:00 AM
Maybe love was just an illusion my heart was playing on me. Or, as Peter Parker said it, our minds play tricks on us.
Have you ever wonder whether someone as gentle and soft as Peter Parker really does exist....? Somewhere in this world.....? Everybody must fell in love in an instance with him, and somehow that makes somebody like him is really hard to find.

u know what folks? Suddenly i think that love is merely a dream. A dream and nothing more. And like every dreams, a sweet one or a nightmare... you ought to wake up someday... When you wake up, the world seems patiently smiling and says, "Good mornin kiddo. Glad finding you finally wake up. Welcome to the grown-ups club."

When you engage in a relationship guys, what do you expect? What are things you hold tightly, and what are those you willingly let go? I think, loving somewhat has to be a feeling to be free. it is what makes you get out of bed each day, a feeling where you feel so comfort, even if it means you just watching someone from behind the wall (hahahhaha...), even if it means you cant have him to be together with you. at least, his back is forever yours...
But a relationship guys? It's a total different story from just "loving". Somehow, engaging in a relationship is something much much much more complicated than love itself. Often hear people talking about love as a complicated thing? See if you finally engaged in a relationship. It doubles the complicated things, seriously.

Part of me hate myself for saying this. The other part insisted that this is right.

of things with kucing, i've been told a thousand times by my own heart, that i am just denialing facts i've already known. Facts that he, in one hand has not love me the way i think he had, and in the other hand he's been fenialing that himself.
Facts that, the space between us has been too wide and i kinda feel like it is too late to do anything with it..

But.

But what if even i've been told about that a thousand times, the other part of my heart told me TEN THOUSAND times that i love him still, that we can together work this out.
full of doubts, that is what i'm feeling. doubts about me, about him, about us....
Because, look, there are too much dreams we've share. Too much time we used to paint tigether our future. I have put all my faith in us. To lose it so easily, it almost feels like a never ending nightmare. And it hurt. Badly.

it's like there is this.......hole... hole and feels so...empty, like i've lost something so important. something that really is a part of myself... why does this love things have to come so complicated??

i feel like... i feel like i cant feel anything. Life is about to choose, i know that. and sometimes you have to choose between turning the page one more time or just close the book. But that is where life and love is really really really complicated. Because, there are mistakes you cant correct back forever.

say, how could i not be afraid?
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