Bagi saya, September adalah bulan yang spesial. Ada di tengah-tengah tahun, dan dengan adanya ulang tahun, saya jadi merasakan euforia resolusi tengah tahun secara besar-besaran. Mwahahahhaa...
Tahun ini, adalah tahun pertama saya merayakan ulang tahun di Indonesia setelah kembali dari perantauan ke negeri orang.
Begitu pulang, saya merasakan banyak perubahan. Bukan, bukan Jakarta. Jakarta masih sama melelahkan, sama macet dan bisingnya, dan sama membuat kangen dengan makanan-makanannya. Untuk sejenak, refleksi ulang tahun saya malam itu adalah, benarkah orang lain yang berubah? Ataukah justru saya yang terlalu banyak berubah dan egois menuding orang lain berubah?
Teman-teman bagi saya adalah harta. Kepada mereka saya selalu "pulang", menemukan "rumah" dan merasa aman. Bagi saya kadang tidak jelas mereka itu teman atau keluarga. Garis batasnya terlalu kabur, saking sayangnya pada manusia-manusia luar biasa itu. Dan dalam waktu satu bulan semenjak kepulangan saya dari Jepang hingga saya berulangtahun....... mereka menjadi orang-orang super asing, super cuek dan super menyebalkan.
Berulang kali curhat pada sesama teman di perantauan di ujung dunia sana, mengeluh padanya tentang bagaimana teman-teman kami di sini praktis berubah menjadi orang asing. Mempertanyakan apakah kepulangan saya sungguh kepulangan ke rumah? Meragukan persahabatan yang selama ini terlihat dengan setia mereka tawarkan menembus waktu dan samudera.
Saya bangun malam itu, pukul 11.59 malam dan berdoa, mensyukuri penyertaan Tuhan sepanjang satu tahun dan kerelaan Nya membiarkan saya mengecap 22 tahun kehidupan. Lima menit, sepuluh menit berlalu tidak terjadi apapun. Saya tidak percaya dengan ucapan via jejaring sosial, kecuali jika itu adalah satu-satunya alat untuk berkomunikasi, maka saya menolak membuka jejaring sosial malam itu.
Lalu, seorang sahabat, yang seperti biasa menghembuskan ketenangan tanpa dia sadari dari ujung samudera yang lain, dengan ceria mengirimkan pesannya pada saya. Pesan sederhana berisi hanya tiga kalimat, yang efeknya langsung menceriakan saya yang beberapa hari belakangan punya mood hancur-hancuran karena dicuekin sama teman-teman sendiri. Bertanya-tanya sendiri kenapa anak yang satu itu selalu berhasil jadi deretan orang pertama yang mengucapkan "selamat ulang tahun" dari tahun ke tahun. Bagi saya, dia itu bintang keberuntungan. Hahahhahaa.. xD saya mungkin kurang pintar menjelaskannya, tapi seringkali kebahagiaan lain, keberuntungan lain yang tidak ada hubungannya sama sekali dengan dia, justru datang setelah saya berkomunikasi dengannya.
Membuka e-mail, seorang sahabat yang berada 6.305 mil (10.146 km) jauhnya dari saya mengirimkan video yang berisi semua ke khas an nya dalam menyampaikan sebuah ucapan. Dini hari itu, saya dihadiahkan permainan gitar dan nyanyiannya. Sejauh ini, umur dua puluh dua terasa menyenangkan. :)
Saya memutuskan kembali tidur. Setengah jam kemudian, kamar seperti diserbu. Ada banyak bunyi yang terdengar secara bersamaan, dan terang lilin yang mencurigakan. Hahahaha.. ternyata, teman-teman yang tidak saya duga datang dan membawakan kue, yak, dua sekaligus, dan bernanyi di sana. Untuk sesaat, saya terdiam kaget. Lalu tertawa lebar, lalu bersyukur. :))
Mereka adalah kawan-kawan dalam komunitas Gereja, orang-orang yang selalu bersama saya dalam pelayanan kasih, dalam usaha kami untuk tetap berada dalam Jalan Terang. Kehadiran mereka di sana, lebih dari yang saya duga, sangat sangat sangat berarti bagi saya. Saya dikelilingi cinta, dan saya sering kali melupakan itu. Mereka berada di rumah sampai jam dua pagi, mendoakan saya dan bernyanyi bersama, lalu makan kue dan mengobrol.
Lalu mereka pulang, yang bagi saya secepat mereka datang. Menyadari besok bukan hari libur, saya terpaksa merelakan mereka kembali ke rumah masing-masing.
Melirik telepon genggam, sama sekali tidak ada pesan dari teman-teman yang lain. Tidak merasa curiga sama sekali, toh satu bulan ini mereka bertingkah seperti orang yang tidak mengenal saya.Saya kembali tidur, cukup nyenyak dan, betul-betul tidak mencurigai apapun.
Lalu, pukul enam pagi, empat orang perawan bertaring tajam...... hahahaha.. maaf, garing. udah lama nggak ngelucu. oke, lanjut, empat pribadi yang saya rindukan lebih dari segalanya, yang sebulan ini memperlakukan saya seperti manusia tak di kenal, datang, membawakan kue (lagi) dengan lilin di atasnya dan mengucapkan selamat ulang tahun. Reaksi pertama saya adalah marah. Marah lebih pada diri sendiri karena bisa-bisanya tidak menyadari bahwa perbuatan dan kelakuan mereka selama ini adalah bagian dari rencana mereka ini.
Senang dan hangat adalah perasaan yang dengan cepat memenuhi hati saya. Saya bersama-sama dengan mereka sampai siang hari itu, makan siang dengan mereka di Nanny's Pavillion Gandaria City, bermain di game centre dan merasa, lagi-lagi, mereka membuat ulang tahun saya tahun ini menjadi ulang tahun yang luar biasa. Saya rasa, bagi saya hal kedua yang terpenting setelah mensyukuri pertambahan umur di ulang tahun adalah kesempatan untuk berbagi hari itu dengan orang-orang terdekat saya.
Di akhir hari, saya menyadari bahwa saya telah meragukan mereka selama satu bulan penuh. Sekembalinya dari Jepang, saya benar-benar tidak merasa aman. Kuatir akan ditinggal, kuatir pulang untuk menemukan mereka bukan lagi orang-orang yang sama.
Tapi pada kenyataannya, mereka tidak berubah sebanyak itu. Tentu, di sana sini ada perubahan yang tidak dapat disangkal. Tapi bahwa fakta mereka amat menyayangi saya dan adalah orang-orang yang selalu membuat saya merasa nyaman, memastikan saya tertawa setiap hari, melembutkan saat saya terlalu keras kepala adalah fakta yang tidak pernah berubah.
Teman-teman yang lain, yang kini tersebar di berbagai tempat di dunia, mengucapkan selamat ulang tahun dengan berbagai cara. Mengirimi saya foto-foto yang sudah di edit, mengucapkan selamat ulang tahun dalam bahasa Indonesia dan mendoakan saya dengan begitu banyak hal indah.
Ada juga, teman yang menyatakan dirinya tidak ahli dalam memberikan kejutan, dan meminta maaf untuk hal itu. Jika saja dia ada di sebelah saya saat itu, saya pasti sudah melompat memeluknya. Karena dia sama sekali tidak perlu minta maaf karena menjadi dirinya sendiri.
Kejutan terakhir datang dari tiga orang kawan seperjuangan selama ada di Jepang. Jenn, Rini dan Achien. Kepada ketiga orang ini saya banyak berhutang kesenangan, perlindungan, pelukan, penjagaan dan pertemanan selama berada di Jepang. Jenn, Rini dan Achin membawakan saya kue (yaaaay!! lagi.) dengan bendera Jepang kecil di atasnya dan menghadiahkan saya dua buah buku yang sedang ingin saya baca.
Kenyataan bahwa kami membawa persahabatan itu pulang hingga ke Tanah Air adalah sesuatu yang awalnya di luar dugaan saya. Karenanya, saat mereka ada di sana menawarkan keceriaan dan kehangatan yang sama, sekali lagi, saya bersyukur.
Bagi saya, ulang tahun kali ini memiliki arti yang besar. Tahun lalu, saya merayakan ulang tahun di tempat yang tidak saya kenal. Tahun ini ulang tahun saya adalah pengingat bahwa saya sudah kembali ke rumah. Saya rasa, saya adalah orang yang amat sangat beruntung. Saya dikelilingi orang-orang yang LUAR BIASA. Karena mereka, dengan berbagai ciri khas mereka, selalu selalu selalu menjaga dan mendoakan saya dalam cara mereka masing-masing. Saya tidak akan pernah meragukan mereka lagi. Dan terimakasih Tuhan, untuk berkat yang indah: saya memliki malaikat-malaikat dan keluarga yang tersembunyi dalam tubuh para sahabat..!!
"Presents don't really mean much to me. I don't want to sound mawkish, but - it was the realization that I have a great many people in my life who really love me, and who I really love."
-Gabriel Byrne
For me, seriously September is one special month. It's in the middle of the year, a perfect time to make a mid-year resolution because there is this birthday spirit and usually I got so excited with it. This year is another first year where I would celebrate my birthday after spending a year struggling in another country.
By the time i stepped back to Jakarta, i was like, oh boy, things have seriously changed since the last time i was here. And nope, it has nothing to do with location. Jakarta is as old, as crowded, as tiring and as exciting with its food as it used to be. But the people, they changed. People i used to know, they were not the same. But then again, for a while my birthday reflection was filled with questions. Questions like is it true that everybody else changed? Or perhaps it was me, who changed too much and i blame others for staying the same?
Friends for me are treasure. I would always think of them as "home", place where i would go back to. Sometimes for me it is not clear wether they are mere best friends or actually part of my family. Sometimes the line is so blurry, because i heart them so much. But...when i came home from Japan, in a matter of a month i noticed that they changed. Being so cold, so uncaring and the most painful thing is, they treat me as if i was a stranger.
I talked to one of my girls, who was in fact, staying in another part of the world. Hahahaha...
I remembered i spent almost the whole month confronting her on how on earth could our best friends changed?? I was questioning if i was actually coming "home"? Or did i just came to a perfectly strange place and me and other people around me need to do some serious adjustment all over again. I doubt their sincerity, doubt something they called "friendship", something that actually through time and oceans, they proved to me that certain bonds do exist. By the time i was back at home, i doubt everything.
The night on my birthday, i woke up at 11.59 pm, thanks to my super noisy alarm and i prayed. Thanking God for letting me sipped all the joys and flavors of 22 years of life, all the lessons and all the experiences. After praying, you could say that i was actually waiting. I didnt really know what i was waiting for, but i definitely waited for something to happen. I'm a kind of girl that would really appreciate greetings if i received those not from social network, unless it was the only way to reach to me. So that day on my birthday i didnt open any of my social network account at all.
Then, there is this particular person. A best friend, who as always, gives me this certain atmosphere of calmness from a place so faraway from mine. He was cheerful, and sent me a short message only of three lines, saying happy birthday and even though it was so short, it had this very big effect on me, remembering that this past month, everyone has been treating me like im such a stranger. I think i would always wondering how he always manage to be one of the first persons to greet me a happy birthday every single year. :D
As for me, he is my lucky star. Im not good enough in explaining that but he was clearly, my lucky star. It feels like good fortune always came to me after i was in contact with him. Some could call it mere coincidences, but i call it blessings. And God could bless you through practically anyone. This particular bestie, i think he is one of God's regular choice in blessing me. ;D
I read his message and i was smiling, then preparing to go back to sleep but my cellphone then buzzed. Another best friend, who was 6.305 miles (10.146 km) away from me sent an email. Inside was a certain link inviting me to watch a video. And a threat, of not even dare to open it if in case the mail reach me before my birthday. There she was, greeting me a happy birthday, play her guitar and singing a very beautiful song. Her video was filled with all the good things, laughters and beautiful wishes and as far as i could see it, being 22 was not bad at all. Not bad at all, folks.
I decided to go back to sleep then. I guess it was like 15 min or so and suddenly a bunch of people pooped out from nowhere and the room was filled with singing voices and suddenly there were these cakes in front of me with candles and i looked up and saw my folks from the Church were there with their smiling faces, some of them with "gotcha!" faces and i was surprised and happy and kind of embarassed because i was in my pyjamas but it didnt take long for me to start laughing with them like crazy.
There they were, my dear friends from the Church, the people I always work together with in God's Way of Light. They were there, sharing the love and the joy and the celebration and their presence meant so much to me, more than i can ever tell them. Their presence was kind of proof... that i am surrounded by love, and that i often forgot about that.
They stayed until around 2 am, and as much as i want them to stay a bit longer and longer and longer, my mum start to remind me that it was weekdays, and everyone will have to go to work and by keeping them here until 2 am, i already caused them troble enough. hahahahaha.. so i let them go, uneasily, but i did that anyway.
Thank you... for sharing the love, the joy, the faith, folks.
Thank you for sharing the togetherness. :)
After that I remembered i looked at my cellphone and there was no messages whatsoever from my besties. I was... sad, i thought they will be kind enough to at least remember my birthday. But...! I guess i was quite happy, and i thoght i didnt have the right to complain, my birthday was filled with love. :) So, i went back to sleep, and quickly fell asleep.
Then, i thought it was around 6 am, because my brother was getting ready for school and when he does that my mum normally shouting here and there to keep everything under control. But there was these strange noises, and when i opened my eyes, my favorite girls were there. They were LAUGHING their a** off! I think it must have something to do with the combination of my expression seeing them there with cakes (again. yay!) and trying to sing happy birthday song as best as their could because they were practically laughing!!
I was....... angry. For whatever reason, even for a birthday surprise, they couldnt have been doing THAT to me. I miss them so much and they treated me like a stranger and i was so angry. But then I realized, that it was sooo them and i was so stupid, never realizing this before and ended up feeling miserable for a month!
Rini said that she could not really figure out if i was actually pretending that i dont see why they did that, or i was just really too naive and was 100% clueless that they were planning this since the beginning of time.
I am well aware that i'm easily..... trapped, thank you very much. *giggle*
Soon i felt happy and warm, especially when they hugged me and cheerfully told me what they have been doing all night, while waiting for the time to come to my house. Their confession included their own debate of whether it's okay to actually send me a happy birthday text on around 3 am, so that i dont really feel sad, or worse, suspicious of why not one of them actually send something.
I replied by saying sometimes i dont know why i'm still calling them best friends.
We went to eat my birthday lunch at Nanny's Pavillion in Gandaria City. I was planning to do something... different but it was, as i told you before, a weekday so i need to go to work later on that afternoon. The lunch was very nice, an then everyone was in the mood of doing some fun things at the game centre, and i felt..... so good!
Why, once again they make sure that my birthday is a day to remember, a day that i was once again given the privilege to remember that i am loved, so very much. I think, one the best things about birthday is because you have the chance to share that day with people you loved the most. And it was already a gift!!
At the end of the day, i realied fully that i have been selfish since i came home to Indonesia. I was so insecure and feeling worried that everybody have somehow go on with their lives without realizing i was coming back, and i was afraid to come home to place where people have already changed so much. Like, too much changes occurred in a short time and i was unable to find my place between them anymore.
But, the fact is they dont change that much. Sure, there are plenty of changes that just visibly seen here and there, but the thing is, they care about me and it doesnt change. The fact that they are people who always manage to make me feel comfortable with myself and that they always are the people who make sure i laugh everyday and that they are the people who will soften my heart, and my head when it goes to hard... those are things about them that stay the same.
As Rinane said... we just.... grow up.
So then, i closed my birthday by receiving so many love and greetings from friends all over the world. This is my first time seeing people from various places in the world sending their thoughts, prayers and wishes for my birthday.
I tell you what, it was amazing!
They sent me pictures and some of them even tried to write happy birthday in Bahasa Indonesia and it was.. warm hearting. Reading those messages, seeing those pictures, i guess Lord has been blessing me with more than i ever ask Him to.
And, between them, there was also a best friend, who said that she wasnt really a surprise person, and that she was sorry for that. I would've jumped and hugged her if she was there beside me. Because in the end, i knew she hearts me, and that she express it in her own way, and seriously, she doesnt have to say sorry for being herself.
Her personality add to the color of my life and i wouldnt have it in any other way :D :D
The last surprise came from my dearest friends that went to Japan with me, and struggled there for a year. Jenn, Rini and Achien bought a birthday cake (yumm!! again, i know, i know. still it doesnt make it any less surprising ;D) with Japan's little flag on top of it and they also bought me the two books that i was dying to read. The thing is, the fact that we brought home our friendship is something that acually i didnt expect. But to them, i owe all my happiness, protection, cheerfulness, hugs and reassurance that i am not alone in Japan. Finding them sitting there offering a friendship so warm and so cheerful as they always do in Japan somehow made me sure that through all those crazy changes and adjustment process, they will walk with me. I am, people, beyond happy and beyond pleased of having them around.
I guess, this year my birthday reflection would be this, i am loved and love, it doesnt change through years, aross places and ocean. That love, is a powerful force that you can actually felt like you are wrapped inside of it, if only you can always find a way to feel it.
And that i would never doubt my good friends in any occasion anymore, because... because good friends trust in each other.
I am just too lucky. I have people here and there, on so many places in the world saying their prayers for me and i think that is more than enough as a gift.
Thanks God, for giving me angels and families hidden in my best friends' bodies.
