Vie van Allegre

This is my third winter in Tokyo. On my first winter, I met Eric. On my second, I dated him. On my third, he left me. I could say I had colorful winters here. Oh, and I haven’t yet introduce myself. My name’s Ai. My full name is too boring to tell, but I like my nick name. Mum said it was Dad who gave that name to me. He never admitted it, tough. I was a first-born in my family, and apparently will be the only child. My parents seemed too busy enjoying their joyful love-life and it seemed they forgot they haven’t yet got a son. They looked so deeply in love. Sometimes I felt so jealous. I was the one with teenager’s age, but they were the ones who enjoyed their love-life like teenagers did. Me? I was stuck with this particular person for three years, who apparently, decided to leave me without a single word. You would at least expect a goodbye.

My computer suddenly buzzed. Yeah, guess who.

Taka: hello there sweetheart.

Me: hey dad.

Taka: Your mum told me you called last night.

This is so my mother. She really had a problem in distinguishing who called who.

Me: I didn’t. She was the one who called.

Taka: That is so her.

Exactly. Get my point? Even my father finally got so used to this bad habit of mum’s.

Taka: Anywy dear, everything ok? I have never seen your mother got so worried of you.

Me: You know her dad. She is always worried. I am… very okay. Well I mean, schools are busy and all but everything else’s fine.

Taka: including your boyfriend?

I WILL KILL MUM. She PROMISED she won’t tell dad. Now I’m stuck with a conversation with my father via chat room, and discussing my love life, who, apparently was his very only daughter, which in turn will increase my father’s possibility of killing Eric or any other guy who dare called me “baby”, “honey” or “sweetheart”.

Me: Dad, privacy please.

I love talked to dad. He was my best friend. I felt much more comfortable talked to him than talked to mum. But, you see… sometimes there were stuffs I wasn’t comfortable to talk to my dad. Like my love life, for example.

Taka: Keishita, listen..—

Whoa. He was calling me Keishita. This is serious.

Taka: I mean, read this carefully. I, of course will always support you, for everything you wanna do, everywhere you wanna go, and anything you wanna be. You have my full support. i.. uh. I might support you.. in whoever you choose to be with you also. But, you are my daughter. You have a home back here. Wherever you go, whatever you do, whoever you are and will be with, you keep this in mind, young lady. You always have to get back home.

I read and read and read all over again his text on my computer screen. I did tell my mother I broke up with Eric. I just didn’t tell her why. This whole broken heart thing for me……. It was just… so difficult. Too difficult to tell to anybody. I didn’t wanna tell anybody…. Because it’s just… hello, Eric left me. What if there was something wrong with me? It was enough for bearing this pain he left me. I didn’t want a pathetic look on everyone’s face to me. I didn’t want anyone pity me for being………. Left for no reason.

I….

Taka: Ai, you still there?

Me: Yes dad.

Taka: You could always talk to your mother if you are not comfortable to talk about this with me.

Talk to mum? You gotta be kidding me, dad. Tell more story to mum and she’ll analyze me and find out the truth, then I’m dead. It’s not easy when I could not lie to my mum (a psychologist, and someone who knew me too well) and to my father (not a psychologist, but still someone who knew me too well also). Falling in love was always wrong, and Eric was my biggest mistake.

Me: dad, I gotta go. I promise everything is fine. I’ll run to you both if something’s wrong.

Taka: okay, be good.

Me: will do always. *hug

Ai is signed out.

“Ai.”

I looked up to Sei-kun. For the first three months after Eric left, I felt like I saw Eric’s face on everyone else’s face. I even have mistaken calling them “Eric” for like a ten thousand times.

“Well,” I said nervously. I was so no good on lying, everybody knew that. “Should it have anything to do with me?”

“Yes. You need to know where he is so you can kick his ass off.” Se-kun smiled at me. His nose was now all red. I walked to the kitchen desk and pour out hot water. As I reached for my coffee jar, I asked Sei-Kun, “Why did you think I would want to kick his ass of?”

“Wouldn’t you?”

“Nope. Kicking him a thousand times won’t fix anything. Why waste my energy?” I turned over him and handed the coffee mug. And damn, it was the mug I used to serve Eric with. And the same coffee, his favorite. I need to throw away his stuff immediately.

Sei-kun took the mug, but he didn’t drink it. “Is it hurt so bad?”

I stood in front of him, confused with his question. “What hurt so bad? It’s just a broken heart.”