Forced to Choose

Rey Lasano 12:13:00 AM
There comes a time, when you were forced to choose. to decide.
Then it was never easy. That in some things in life, you have to decide even if you dont want to decide anything.

and the decision you make would affect your life so big, so you need to think and think and think again what to decide, what to do after you decide something.
because the decision you wanna make has to be a decision free of regret. that you dont regret what you've done before. you don't regret the memories. a decision so fine that when you wake up in the morning and open your eyes, you don't feel sorry for yourself. you have the belief this is the right thing to do.

aargh.......!
this is ridicolous. who on earth can do this when it comes to something related so close to your very fragile heart?
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Songs of Life

Rey Lasano 8:11:00 PM
Sometimes life just not feel like real you know. With all the crowded, hectic, fun, loving, romantic, sad, inspring, musical and everything... sometimes it feels more like....a dream. a very sweet dream. and a colorful one, I think. :)
Right now, I'm feeling so very thankful for my life. For every part inside my life. the troubles, the joy, the surprises-- practically everything.

I value my besties even more, for i wont go through ten thousand things without them here. So thanks Jude, Aloii, Bom, Rin, Dee, Tyaz... and u, Vin (for showing me what friendship could do across the ocean. There are a lot of things I havent yet tell you, some uncertainty, more joyful stories, but in short, i'm thankful for what we have as bestfriends, and ocean was never a barrier. Be good out there, pal).

I learn that not everything works the way I want them to be. But God provided everything I need and surprises beyond what i asked. I learn, that when I forced it my way, i hurt too deep. when I let Him guide, i still hurt myself, but those hurt shaped me into a better girl, a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better me,
I'm even more thankful for A. for his patience, for his unremarkable maturity, for his touch, and for his weakness. His imperfect side teach me of an almost perfect love. His presence reminds me of a surprise God gave me 2,5 years ago, when I almost can not see any hope. And like an angel he came. ;)

It's been so crowded and hectic at college. task after task and assignments after assignments, it's an endless stream this semester. But i must say i'm enjoying the process. very much. I've got like 10 classes this semester and even things don't look so very good, i have this good feeling that everything is gonna be alright.
Where that kind of peace came from? I don't know. :)

Oh, and I'd like to share some good songs I've been listening to lately.. these music have been accompanying me along longest hours of internet surfing, scientific journal searching, photo editing, blogging and all, might good for you to listen to them:

1. Beautiful by Eminem
this is a very good song. his words are amazingly close to our everyday thing in life...
"Lately I've been hard to reach I've been too long on my own...
But you have to walk a thousand miles in my shoes, just to see
What it's like to be me, I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful...."

2. Broken Vow by Lara Fabian
Most of you perhaps familiar with Josh Groban's version of this song. But I want you guys to try to listen to Lara's gentle and powerful voice, and the music was so majestically luxurious and rich. so please go and listen to her voice. Despite the original meaning, I personally like the words in the chorus part. If you ignore the original meaning of the song, you probably find these words are applicable to other things you see in life.
"l'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow"

i think somewhere in the song, she (and Groban too, of course. I love him!) also sang this,
"I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies..."


3. Gentlemen Dont by Gabe Bondoc
I don't know folks. Have you listen to his song? He's very good. Both the piano and accoustic version of this song is really good. His music and words is so simple. really really simple. Maybe it's just his way to touch us. By his simplicity.
"I’m just a simple man, simple plans,
Good work, take care of my fam,
I’m sure you understand
Because you’re heaven sent, independent,
Do you think you need me?
...But I know very well
Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell"

4. Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows
Oh this is such an old song... xD the song was popular since it became Shrek movie theme song. the song is really really cheerful, and it reminded me of honestly, purely and accidentally falling in love. the lyric is touching in one side, honest and naive in the other side. A very good song. I love this song!
"...What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love, think about it every time
I think about it, can't stop thinking 'bout it
...Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Because everybody's after love....
....Mean we're never alone
Never alone, no, no...
...accidentally in love..."

5. Right to Dream by Mariah Carey
too good, too precisely describing me. enough said.
I love ya Carey.
"I lay awake sometimes
Scared to close my eyes
And I wonder where I left myself
I lost the will to fly
...I find
Somewhere deep inside
Someone strong still resides
And I know she's gonna be fine
In time
'Cause you see
I've got a lot to dream
There's more than this for me
An angel lands with broken wings
Warms me with his eyes
...See I grew up locked in sorrow
So I learned to block the pain
But I won't give up tomorrow"

strange. I've been listening to hip hop and RnB last month. Now here i am stumbled with another 5 mellow songs. :) But i like them all.

ow, Happy Independence Day Indonesia. I hope things will turn out good for the nation.

see you all around folks...
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August Rush

Rey Lasano 10:19:00 AM
Happy August rush people! It's good to be back.. xD

I went to the campus round three days ago and registered my classes. I'm taking 10 classes this semester. Pretty crowded Iguess. But looks exciting and fun. I took Child Abuse class with Aloii-chan. Was kinda hoping to take the Woman Psychology class but it was already full, which partly is really my Academic Advisor's (AA) fault. Why? Because she left us to Holland exactly on the day we had to choose our classes. The system needs Academic Advisor's approval to registered our classes. Ms. B had asked one of her friend to take care of us with the approval things. She was a nice AA, really but still not Ms. B. I waited like 3 hrs to register my classes and by then almost all classes were full booked. (sigh). Karina even missed one of her class.

To be short, I had to attend this semester's most terrifying class alone. AGAIN. Geez folks. I wish the girls are here with me. I mean, who else had the hig
hest level of understanding of my own way to finished assignments? I'm a weirdo in doing assignments, and not sure whether the other folks will be as patient as my girls were.
(sigh) (sigh) (sigh)..

Well that's the hard part. The rest of the classes are interesting enough and mostly I can't wait to start. Things are pretty busy here and there, with A struggling on his undergraduate theses and me with all the activities but I could say this is a pretty relaxing holiday. I spent most of my time at home, which i'm glad of, because i'm not sure i'll be around enough in next two weeks. well, i still live here, but you know, the old Psychology Student rule will be back: late night dating with computer, tasks, scientific journal and books. So might spent time as much as i could with my family. Oh, and i am TRULY satisfied with my sleep hour! It's been like ages  since the last time I could sleep for at least 8 hrs!  xD
And considering the joy of freedom to sleep like this will soon be robbed from me, i feel thankful for times like this. times where I can listen to the music till I fall asleep, watch Mac and Flack on CSI: NY and even go fetch some Starbucks' Java Chip Frappucino with my mum. with Mum. She could spell Starbucks now. Nice. *rofl.




By the way, this Java Chip is definitely the most delicious n yummy-yuummmy-yum frappucino Starbucks ever sell. xD xD. It tasted so good! You guys are soooo have to try it.. :P
those nice baristas will mix choco chips with frappucino and the result is heaven. 
heheheh.. :P
i always got the feeling like slurping a chocolate cake right from the straw.. xP

Oh, and there are good movies out there and since A is so busy with his theses, I haven't yet seen Inception, or Salt or even The Last Airbender: Legend of Aang.
*crying
so far A is my best movie-mate and hereby I wish him a rocket-speed energy to finish his theses so we can once again enjoy the good life. Mwahahahahaha. Over-reacting. I know.
I'll just get to sleep, I think. see ya around :)
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37 Things About Love

Rey Lasano 12:10:00 AM

37 Things about Love

I made a list. But, you know... you could always make like a 300000 lists when it comes about love.. hahahahaa...

here's some part of mine:

  1. Pray together, pray for each other.
  2. Be polite, be graciously gentle. Don't use harsh words or harsh tone. Keep it low especially when you get angry, you don't know how you could hurt your lover so deep with your words and way of speaking.
  3. Enjoy your time with your love without being afraid of anything. OF ANYTHING. Fear would destroy every happy moments you should've treasured.
  4. Golden Rule still rules: Do what you want others do to you.
  5. Give him . her your FULL ATTENTION when they're talking. Stop reading, playing game or surfing the internet, look them in the eyes and listen.
  6. Become their number 1 fan and 24/7 cheerleader. Make them feel special. Make them feel loved, Everybidy likes it to feel loved. So give them that.
  7. Tell your lover how he / she brings love into your life.
  8. Laugh together. laugh at anything.
  9. Tell about each other's day during mealtime. (Not polite talking when eating, but still it is fun. xD )
  10. Say you're sorry. Forget about pride. (As Jude said, "Let love does the talk." 10000% agree.)
  11. Memories are good, either the good ones or the bad. Recall them together.
  12. When you finally say "I love you", Let go of the past. Let go of his / her past too. Love them for who they are,
  13. Do nothing together. Sit in a couch, day dreaming, anything that is nothing... xD
  14. Trust your partner enough to cry together. Don't forget to lend your shoulder at times he / she needed the most.
  15. Act silly together.
  16. Ask your lover questions about opinions, feelings, thoughts. Encourage them to tell the truth, don't be mad when they say something you don't agree or accept.
  17. Show your joy and happiness feelings when you met him / her.
  18. Show your gratitude for them. They bring something precious to your life, be thankful.
  19. Compliment them in front of others. Show that you're proud of them.
  20. Spend time with them.
  21. Ask for hugs and kisses.
  22. Be interested in their interests. It pleases them.
  23. To say I love you, let go of jealousy. Trust them enough in handling your heart.
  24. Accept their weaknesses and flaws.
  25. Ditch work or responsibilities to play with them.
  26. Be yourself. ALWAYS be yourself.
  27. Stop comparing her / him to anyone else. People are special, especially your lover, respect difference.
  28. Learn to forgive. Even when they dont say sorry.
  29. Leave notes or send letters. Traditional ways sometimes touch the best.
  30. You don't need reason to give them surprises.
  31. Don't judge them. Know them deeper than anyone else.
  32. Give their own me-time when they need it. Everyone need time and space every now and then.
  33. Keep your promises.
  34. Make them laugh.
  35. Consider their feelings. Dont hurt them.
  36. Let them make their own decisions. You are there to give them advices, not to MAKE them do what you wanted.
  37. Say what you mean when you say I love you. Say why. Say it clearly.
Have fun loving.... 
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Kisses from the Stars

Rey Lasano 5:46:00 PM
There are times in life, when you can't control anything. Like it just happened the way it is. Could not control, could not hold back, could do nothing about it. Simple example? To be fallen in love. Next example? Your closest neighbour move out and you find you have no single neighbour as close as they were (okay. jumping topic, i know. but still....)

see... I lived in a small city, with too much housing complex here and there, and neighbour knew each other but was never that close to remember each other's names. You could always smile, say "hello", "good morning", they could asked you what grade are you in now, or how pretty and big you are-all grown up-now and so on but moments later you will go home thinking hard who in heaven was that. 
But, the moment you step into your house and find your little brother stole your chocolate or your friends too stubborn to stop  texting you, so you would get online ASAP and do like 300 assignments, you would soon forget you were wondering who's that middle-aged woman in front of your house.

That is kinda sad, remembering we live next to each other almost every single day but you could say we have our own life and very little social interaction took place here. But this very friendly neighbour of mine, they rent a house in front of my house and been living there for like 3 or 4 yrs, I cant remember the exact year. Then, it was something funny because we were just like two families in two different houses. We would send food, cookies, anything that came from each other's kitchen, we celebrate birthdays, Christmast, New Year together, my brother likes to play with their little daughter, and so on. Uncle Friendly has this big and army-built body and will protect us always. Someone messed up with us, they messed up with him. Auntie Friendly cooks a lot and loves to share.... Little Friendly would always open her house's fences when I got home and yelled, "Sistaaaaaa...!" like that. Somehow our little "union" kinda make me feel this housing complex still worth to live in because they make it seems alive. Why? Because it supposed to be different from staying at a flat where you hardly know your neighbour and mind your very own bussiness. I don't see any benefit on staying in a complex when you feel like staying in a flat.

See how they held an important role to keep me in touch with my surroundings at home? And now they move out.
I hate good-byes, when they came over and said good bye it was such a sad moment. They didnt move out that far, like to other planet or country or what. They just move like 1.5 hrs drive from us. But still, to realize that they might not be there to celebrate life's moments with you, share everything and anything, it feels........... sad. The most painful one is the fact that you dont know when will you see them again. With our own activities? God knows who would have the chance to visit the other.

I really do hate good-byes. And this one reminds me that.......... we sometimes think that people around us will automatically be there tomorrow, like the day before and the day before and the day before that. But they could've just gone without we realizing it before.......

I honestly kinda.... feel a little mad everytime people i love and i care about choosing to move out. This has been happening to me from time to time. I got this bad feeling that A might SOMEDAY move out too. And then this housing complex is a ghost town. Zzzzz....... 
I mean, why do people always choose to go when they are clearly fine, safe and comfy here? They might have their own reason, or they may be forced to (the house owner decided to stop renting the house and would just sell it. stupid owner.), but some part of me wanted them to stop this. or someone. so we dont have to say good-bye.

But then...............
We were hugging and crying and hugging again and waving hands and all..... and I soon realize. At some point or the other, separation is always in front of us. Any type of it. To think about the sad part, it would never help us. It would not even bring people back. Like my neighbour, for example. No matter how sad I am, they just have to even if they don't want to. But, really, having people like that at some time in your life was clearly another gift God granted us through life. Even if now they move out, even if there is no guarantee we will ever see each other ever again, even if now it just seems too lonely, but the good memories stay with you. And would never gone. People like them is another reason to love life, because when you look back, you know you have those magical moments of happiness and sunny days, with laughters and tears and prays and you know you will always bring those memories along with you, wherever you go. To think that back home you ever had people like that with you, it sure is something to remember.

So.......... I'm really thankful, for having a chance knowing them. That even we will continue with our life, when days grow older and we grow bigger....... we will always know we have good friends, good memories and good moments together.

That is invaluable, I guess.

Good night everyone....
send kisses from the stars to people you care about tonight... see ya around...
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Trapped (Again)

Rey Lasano 11:47:00 PM
I'm trapped. Again. In a situation where I have to decide, and I don't know how. I mean, how could you know that your decision is the right one? What if you were wrong? What if, you were wrong, and you could not fix what you started?
How do we decide something correctly..? I'm so dead this time, literally. I wish everything is as easy as they looked in the movies.
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